Don't Take Your Golden Guns to Clown College
December 9, 2024 9:22 AM Subscribe
US woman caught with golden gun in luggage at Sydney airport jailed for a year.
That's the headline, but there is so much MORE in the article. Clown college! A calendar entry to "put gun in suitcase." Specific plans to pistol-whip potential threats. And a really great photo of the offender. Enjoy!
Here's the song that inspired the title.
That's the headline, but there is so much MORE in the article. Clown college! A calendar entry to "put gun in suitcase." Specific plans to pistol-whip potential threats. And a really great photo of the offender. Enjoy!
Here's the song that inspired the title.
Once aspiring clown 'deeply regrets' golden gun smuggling: lawyer (Daily Beast, November 2024)
posted by box at 9:31 AM on December 9
posted by box at 9:31 AM on December 9
Goodson also brought in “cat spine, squirrel feet and rabbit pee,“ though she declared those on entry.
posted by stevil at 9:35 AM on December 9 [8 favorites]
posted by stevil at 9:35 AM on December 9 [8 favorites]
From an earlier article on the topic, her lawyer offered this nugget:
“It’s taken her a while to get to this point but she’s here and she is sorry she packed the gun and shipped off the ammunition to this country, and she deeply regrets the course of action that she took.”
The separately shipped ammunition was the wrong calibre for the gun.
Performance art would be the best explanation, in my mind. But from the reading of her statements, more likely is just an unfortunate combination of hard drugs and mental struggles.
posted by robot_jesus at 9:37 AM on December 9 [15 favorites]
“It’s taken her a while to get to this point but she’s here and she is sorry she packed the gun and shipped off the ammunition to this country, and she deeply regrets the course of action that she took.”
The separately shipped ammunition was the wrong calibre for the gun.
Performance art would be the best explanation, in my mind. But from the reading of her statements, more likely is just an unfortunate combination of hard drugs and mental struggles.
posted by robot_jesus at 9:37 AM on December 9 [15 favorites]
More money than sense.
posted by BlueHorse at 9:42 AM on December 9 [1 favorite]
posted by BlueHorse at 9:42 AM on December 9 [1 favorite]
Performance art on borders,
Nothing gold can slay
posted by Flashman at 9:48 AM on December 9 [5 favorites]
Nothing gold can slay
posted by Flashman at 9:48 AM on December 9 [5 favorites]
> forced to remove her extensive jewellery
Uh huh... Wonder if it would have been the same outcome for a conservative-looking white man, or a woman who styled herself in a more traditionally male-gaze approved way.
Daily Mail: Face-tattooed nose-horned non-binary tourist accused...
Gotta spank those outliers!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:49 AM on December 9 [1 favorite]
Uh huh... Wonder if it would have been the same outcome for a conservative-looking white man, or a woman who styled herself in a more traditionally male-gaze approved way.
Daily Mail: Face-tattooed nose-horned non-binary tourist accused...
Gotta spank those outliers!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:49 AM on December 9 [1 favorite]
Looks like when googling she got results talking about domestic flights that said it was permissible, and the reason for putting in on the calendar. Then didn't realize that AU is completely different. That's the most charitable read I can give it.
posted by Rhomboid at 9:49 AM on December 9 [2 favorites]
posted by Rhomboid at 9:49 AM on December 9 [2 favorites]
24K according to the article, so anything much harder than your fingernail would scratch it.
She’s got serious mental issues, and jailing her for a year seems unjust to me.
Gun fetishism should probably be a recognized category of mental illness in the US, at least.
posted by jamjam at 9:53 AM on December 9 [4 favorites]
She’s got serious mental issues, and jailing her for a year seems unjust to me.
Gun fetishism should probably be a recognized category of mental illness in the US, at least.
posted by jamjam at 9:53 AM on December 9 [4 favorites]
Giv en that she's going to an Australian prison, does she now need more or less protection?
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 9:57 AM on December 9 [1 favorite]
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 9:57 AM on December 9 [1 favorite]
> forced to remove her extensive jewellery
Uh huh... Wonder if it would have been the same outcome for a conservative-looking white man, or a woman who styled herself in a more traditionally male-gaze approved way. Gotta spank those outliers.
It is standard procedure in every jail for all inmates to remove jewelry. It is all considered potential weapons.
posted by cooker girl at 9:57 AM on December 9 [18 favorites]
Uh huh... Wonder if it would have been the same outcome for a conservative-looking white man, or a woman who styled herself in a more traditionally male-gaze approved way. Gotta spank those outliers.
It is standard procedure in every jail for all inmates to remove jewelry. It is all considered potential weapons.
posted by cooker girl at 9:57 AM on December 9 [18 favorites]
Having flown through five countries and various security checkpoints in the past few months I just can't believe people still think they'll get away with this (I'm sure the very very occasional person might by chance). The number of times I got a bag pulled because I packed too many cables together to closely, had the audacity to have two power charging bricks in one bag, or because the stuffing in my kid's toy apparently looks suspicious (NZ, US, and Australian security all pulled the same toy out for a look), or just generally get an extra run through the scanner was high.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 10:06 AM on December 9 [4 favorites]
posted by inflatablekiwi at 10:06 AM on December 9 [4 favorites]
Here's the song that inspired the title.
As a kid I listened repeatedly to the version Don't Take Your Cats to Town by Garrison Keillor, off the Songs of the Cat CD, which the internets seem to have failed to keep alive for some reason.
It was lighter-hearted.
posted by heyitsgogi at 10:08 AM on December 9
As a kid I listened repeatedly to the version Don't Take Your Cats to Town by Garrison Keillor, off the Songs of the Cat CD, which the internets seem to have failed to keep alive for some reason.
It was lighter-hearted.
posted by heyitsgogi at 10:08 AM on December 9
(Songs of the Cat is available as a physical CD from Keillor's website.)
The song that inspired the title reminds me of De La Soul's 'The Magic Number,' so here's that.
posted by box at 10:26 AM on December 9 [2 favorites]
The song that inspired the title reminds me of De La Soul's 'The Magic Number,' so here's that.
posted by box at 10:26 AM on December 9 [2 favorites]
After we cleaned out my dad's place, security stopped me so I could show them the small frying pan and large ziploc bag of quarters I had in my carryon. I wonder what those looked like in the scanner.
posted by Glinn at 10:29 AM on December 9
posted by Glinn at 10:29 AM on December 9
Finding the Golden Gun is all well and good, but where is the Solex Agitator?
posted by Capt. Renault at 10:33 AM on December 9 [6 favorites]
posted by Capt. Renault at 10:33 AM on December 9 [6 favorites]
If only the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College was still in Florida, she could have just stayed home and been able to keep her gun.
posted by TedW at 10:33 AM on December 9
posted by TedW at 10:33 AM on December 9
Once aspiring clown
Hey, that's the title of my LinkedIn profile!
posted by PlusDistance at 11:00 AM on December 9 [7 favorites]
Hey, that's the title of my LinkedIn profile!
posted by PlusDistance at 11:00 AM on December 9 [7 favorites]
If the clown college has any sense of style it will let her graduate in absentia right now.
posted by biffa at 11:20 AM on December 9 [9 favorites]
posted by biffa at 11:20 AM on December 9 [9 favorites]
“What about the gun in your bag?” she was asked by a customs officer.BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Goodson replied: “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
A review of Goodson’s phone revealed she had searched online “can I have a gun in my suitcase?” and set a calendar entry with a note reminding her to “put gun in suitcase.”
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:28 AM on December 9
Well, it turns out that the internet actually does remember this clownish song. I just didn't realize it had a slightly different name.
But it does feel, somehow, appropriate to this whole thread. Especially given that
1. Goodson in fact bring (part of) a cat, and
2. rules on importing cats are also quite restrictive.
posted by heyitsgogi at 11:30 AM on December 9
But it does feel, somehow, appropriate to this whole thread. Especially given that
1. Goodson
2. rules on importing cats are also quite restrictive.
posted by heyitsgogi at 11:30 AM on December 9
Gotta spank those outliers!
One of the most basic things you can do as a defense attorney is to help your client look as little like someone who would intentionally commit the offense in question during court hearings. Yes, this means appealing to conventional sensibilities, which is something we can later argue about when the client is not facing a long committed prison term.
If they had the resources, I'd ask them to take out every piercing and submit to a couple of hours with a makeup sponge, a talented artist, and some Dermablend. It might be malpractice to fail to at least raise this. It's impossible to say if it would've made a difference, but it couldn't hurt.
posted by 1adam12 at 11:31 AM on December 9 [3 favorites]
One of the most basic things you can do as a defense attorney is to help your client look as little like someone who would intentionally commit the offense in question during court hearings. Yes, this means appealing to conventional sensibilities, which is something we can later argue about when the client is not facing a long committed prison term.
If they had the resources, I'd ask them to take out every piercing and submit to a couple of hours with a makeup sponge, a talented artist, and some Dermablend. It might be malpractice to fail to at least raise this. It's impossible to say if it would've made a difference, but it couldn't hurt.
posted by 1adam12 at 11:31 AM on December 9 [3 favorites]
This is clearly a setup for a James Bond reboot with Bond as a woman.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:33 AM on December 9
posted by kirkaracha at 11:33 AM on December 9
One time I was bringing a few family odds and ends back from my parents' house and I got stopped at the airport over two antique wooden dala pigs in my carryon. The guy said they looked just like plastic explosive on the scanner. Pig-shaped plastic explosive, I assume, but I could have just had a sense of whimsy.
posted by Frowner at 11:34 AM on December 9
posted by Frowner at 11:34 AM on December 9
She/they hopes to compete in the 2028 Olympics with Raygun in the postmodern pentathlon.
posted by lukemeister at 11:41 AM on December 9
posted by lukemeister at 11:41 AM on December 9
This situation is just begging for Trump to intervene and threaten a trade war with Australia unless they release the American woman with a gun (q.v. his rescue of A$AP Rocky from the hellscape that is the...uh...Swedish justice system).
posted by senor biggles at 11:47 AM on December 9 [3 favorites]
posted by senor biggles at 11:47 AM on December 9 [3 favorites]
Ah c'mon, just give her a booting and let her go on her merry way.
posted by gottabefunky at 11:52 AM on December 9
posted by gottabefunky at 11:52 AM on December 9
Look, if the person doesn’t go to jail, they are just going to get into trouble for trying to bring that gun into another country. That’s just kicking the clown down the road.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:22 PM on December 9 [4 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:22 PM on December 9 [4 favorites]
The last time I returned home to Canada, customs pulled me aside and asked me why I read "this kind of stuff". I had a Philip K. Dick novel in my carry on. The amount of suspicion in the custom officer's face was both utterly bizarrre (given the reason) and hilarious.
posted by juiceCake at 12:22 PM on December 9 [8 favorites]
posted by juiceCake at 12:22 PM on December 9 [8 favorites]
About 15 years ago I wanted to get a friend a novelty gift at the DDR (East Germany) museum in Berlin. For some reason, they had tons and tons of now-cheap vintage nasal aspirators made behind the former Iron Curtain.
I got one and threw it in my suitcase. When I got to the airport, the bulb and hose showed up on the X-ray looking exactly like a cartoon bomb with a fuse.
posted by smelendez at 12:33 PM on December 9 [4 favorites]
I got one and threw it in my suitcase. When I got to the airport, the bulb and hose showed up on the X-ray looking exactly like a cartoon bomb with a fuse.
posted by smelendez at 12:33 PM on December 9 [4 favorites]
kicking the clown down the road
Which, however tempting, simply isn't nice.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:37 PM on December 9 [1 favorite]
Which, however tempting, simply isn't nice.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:37 PM on December 9 [1 favorite]
Here's the song that inspired the title.
Surely you meant this one.
posted by Naberius at 12:39 PM on December 9 [2 favorites]
Surely you meant this one.
posted by Naberius at 12:39 PM on December 9 [2 favorites]
This situation is just begging for Trump to intervene and threaten a trade war with Australia
...while also selling replica gold-ish guns to rubes on GoFundMe, claiming the money will go to the person in question?
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 1:26 PM on December 9 [2 favorites]
...while also selling replica gold-ish guns to rubes on GoFundMe, claiming the money will go to the person in question?
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 1:26 PM on December 9 [2 favorites]
She was initially arrested at Sydney airport in April 2023 after customs officers uncovered the 24-carat gold-plated pistol, worth about 3,000 dollars dollarydoos
posted by Mayor West at 1:55 PM on December 9
posted by Mayor West at 1:55 PM on December 9
it utterly alludes me to as why Americans would store their Small arms in luggage.
Samsonite isn't exactly designed as a crash bag. Sure, we know the basic contents of a crash bag: weapon, cash, passports, a burner phone, extra socks.
Why is it poeple will take out the socks and leave the pistol.
posted by clavdivs at 2:17 PM on December 9
Samsonite isn't exactly designed as a crash bag. Sure, we know the basic contents of a crash bag: weapon, cash, passports, a burner phone, extra socks.
Why is it poeple will take out the socks and leave the pistol.
posted by clavdivs at 2:17 PM on December 9
I'm not sure if the world needs less of the sort of people with face tattoos, clown college aspirations, drug addictions, and guns; or a lot more.
posted by rikschell at 2:28 PM on December 9
posted by rikschell at 2:28 PM on December 9
More face tattoos, fewer addictions and guns.
The current level of clown college aspirants, as it turns out, is juuust right.
posted by box at 2:34 PM on December 9
The current level of clown college aspirants, as it turns out, is juuust right.
posted by box at 2:34 PM on December 9
Maybe Goodson wanted the gun for clown college. You never know; someone might give you a funny look.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:47 PM on December 9 [5 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:47 PM on December 9 [5 favorites]
After the Port Arthur Massacre in 1996, Australians voluntarily gave up their guns. It is still a big thing down under. The level of punishment for attempting to smuggle guns in is therefore pretty accurate; it also reflects that such a chaotic and unstable individual has no guarantee that they will keep the guns - y’know, just in case clown school isn’t such a big earner.
posted by The River Ivel at 2:47 PM on December 9 [2 favorites]
posted by The River Ivel at 2:47 PM on December 9 [2 favorites]
Uh huh... Wonder if it would have been the same outcome for a conservative-looking white man, or a woman who styled herself in a more traditionally male-gaze approved way. Gotta spank those outliers.
Magistrate Susan Horan said ...
I doubt their appearance had anything to do with the sentence.
Australia has very strong laws restricting gun use, including a total ban on carrying a weapon in public, except for police officers and licensed security guards (which are a specific class of security license for things like cash transit escorts, not people like mall security). Ownership of pistols is restricted to use for sport (pistols must be stored at the owner's gun club), employment (security guard, but employer must prove specific need first) or collections (pistols must be disabled). So the presence of a prohibited weapon in the luggage of a traveller that lies about it and states they intend to carry it around in public with them is a very big deal. Remember that, while those in North America may be used to seeing people wandering the streets armed to the teeth, most Australians never see any form of firearm unless it's firmly attached to the body of a police officer.
A simple search on Google for 'can i bring a gun to australia' yields more than enough information to make it clear the answer in this case is a resounding 'fuck no'. I'm not a fan of prison sentences for non-violent offenses, but Australia has worked hard to get rid of and keep out firearms that have no purpose but to kill people, so I'm OK with her spending four months in prison for this. It's much worse that she has no idea how to use the weapon, making it far more dangerous than otherwise.
Most importantly, we definitely need more face tattoos and more clowns, but less addictions and guns!
posted by dg at 2:49 PM on December 9 [3 favorites]
Magistrate Susan Horan said ...
I doubt their appearance had anything to do with the sentence.
Australia has very strong laws restricting gun use, including a total ban on carrying a weapon in public, except for police officers and licensed security guards (which are a specific class of security license for things like cash transit escorts, not people like mall security). Ownership of pistols is restricted to use for sport (pistols must be stored at the owner's gun club), employment (security guard, but employer must prove specific need first) or collections (pistols must be disabled). So the presence of a prohibited weapon in the luggage of a traveller that lies about it and states they intend to carry it around in public with them is a very big deal. Remember that, while those in North America may be used to seeing people wandering the streets armed to the teeth, most Australians never see any form of firearm unless it's firmly attached to the body of a police officer.
A simple search on Google for 'can i bring a gun to australia' yields more than enough information to make it clear the answer in this case is a resounding 'fuck no'. I'm not a fan of prison sentences for non-violent offenses, but Australia has worked hard to get rid of and keep out firearms that have no purpose but to kill people, so I'm OK with her spending four months in prison for this. It's much worse that she has no idea how to use the weapon, making it far more dangerous than otherwise.
Most importantly, we definitely need more face tattoos and more clowns, but less addictions and guns!
posted by dg at 2:49 PM on December 9 [3 favorites]
Maybe Goodson wanted the gun for clown college.
Did anyone bother to check whether a little flag with 💥BANG!💥 on it comes out of the barrel when you press the trigger?
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:55 PM on December 9 [4 favorites]
Did anyone bother to check whether a little flag with 💥BANG!💥 on it comes out of the barrel when you press the trigger?
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:55 PM on December 9 [4 favorites]
it utterly alludes me to as why Americans would store their Small arms in luggage.
Bizarrely it's a technique to check a bag securely because you have, say, $10,000 dollars worth of camera gear in your bag.
When you check a bag with a firearm you are required to lock it with a lock the TSA doesn't have a master key for. Special handling by the air line is legally required and the airline losing the bag is a big fricking deal.
posted by Mitheral at 2:56 PM on December 9 [6 favorites]
Bizarrely it's a technique to check a bag securely because you have, say, $10,000 dollars worth of camera gear in your bag.
When you check a bag with a firearm you are required to lock it with a lock the TSA doesn't have a master key for. Special handling by the air line is legally required and the airline losing the bag is a big fricking deal.
posted by Mitheral at 2:56 PM on December 9 [6 favorites]
Worth noting that she got a much lighter sentence than if she'd done the same thing in the UK. Where guns are even more illegal than in Australia (simply being found in possession of one will typically get a multi-year prison sentence: handguns are right up there with child pornography and dealing heroin).
posted by cstross at 3:21 PM on December 9 [4 favorites]
posted by cstross at 3:21 PM on December 9 [4 favorites]
Yeah, I would say a year in prison for bringing an unlicensed handgun into the country is a pretty light sentence in most countries.
posted by ambrosen at 4:09 PM on December 9
posted by ambrosen at 4:09 PM on December 9
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