The following relationship "advice" is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only -- please do not cite us in divorce court.

Each week, we'll be rounding up the internet's most interesting relationship questions and chiming right in. From nightmare first dates to exploring new fetishes, we're leaving no corner of the internet unexplored.

I Think My Friends Want To Be More Than Just Friends...

^{[Image credit: Marcelo Chagas]}

I have been friends with this guy since we were young. We have never dated or been intimate, but we are close and do a lot together.

He recently started dating a new girl. A couple of days ago, they came over to hang out and spent most of the time making out. The next day, he invited me over again, and the same thing happened. I decided to leave, and when I did, he asked, "Where are you going?" Later, he texted me, asking why I left.

Yesterday, he invited me to hang out again. I wasn't really interested but decided to go. This time, we all hung out like normal, but a few hours in, his girlfriend asked, "When was the last time you were with a guy?" I said a few months ago. While he was sitting on the couch, she straddled him and started kissing him. Then she asked, "Do you want to kiss him?" I looked at him, and he was smiling. She pulled me closer to them, and I ended up kissing him a little.

Finally, I got up and left. They both said, "No, don't leave," but it was just really weird.

TL;DR: A friend of mine and his girlfriend wanted me to make out with him, and I don't know what to think.

Ask what his intentions are, preferably over text to avoid an awkward situation. However, it's strange that this potentially long-held affection is now coming up as a lust for a threesome. I want to believe there's romance, but this guy's probably just horny. Read the rest of the thread here.

I Need To Tell My Boyfriend A Harsh Truth

^{[Image credit: Towfiqu barbhuiya]}

My 30F partner, 35M, and I have been together for about four years. When we first met, he had what I'd describe as a "dad-bod," which I found really attractive. Since then, he's gained over 100 pounds, and now has larger breasts than I do, along with an apron belly that hangs over his pants and almost covers his private area. I feel terrible for being genuinely repelled by his body. When he's shirtless or just wearing a towel, I have to look away or distract myself to avoid grimacing.

Even though he showers daily, he quickly develops a sour smell in his private area because of excessive sweating. As a result, I can't bring myself to go down on him. Our sex life has nearly vanished since he can't maintain an erection for more than a minute before getting winded and sweaty, forcing him to stop. He makes faces as if he's struggling and uncomfortable during sex, which makes the entire experience feel like a huge, unpleasant effort, and that just turns me off even more.

I have no idea how to address this without completely destroying his already fragile self-esteem. I'm at the point where I'm considering breaking up with him over this.

Does anyone have advice on how to approach this subject without making him feel awful? How do I even bring something like this up without sounding cruel?

TL;DR: Boyfriend has become severely overweight, and I don't know how to address it without making him feel terrible, but I'm thinking about leaving because of it.

Saying he needs to lose weight, and then adding an "or else" could really sabotage any relationship. I'd tell him the truth, but bring as much empathy to the table as possible, and be prepared for the possibility that it could take months, or years, for him to make a change. However, if making her happy is important to him, then it shouldn't be too rough. Working out as a couple can even be sexy. Read the rest of the thread here.

I Hate My Fiancé More Than I Hate Temu

^{[Image credit: Daria Kaats]}

This was taken down from another sub, so I figured I'd post here with an update:

My (27F) fiancé (29M) proposed a few weeks ago. It completely caught me by surprise, but we've been together for three years, and things have been going great. I was really excited and said yes!

At first, I really liked the ring, and my friends and family think it's stunning. It's an oval cut with "diamonds" along the band. When I asked where he got it, he wouldn't tell me but said he got a great deal. I didn't think much of it until yesterday when we were in bed. Out of curiosity, I asked if it was a diamond or moissanite, and he said he didn't know and would have to look it up. When I glanced at his phone, I saw he was in the Temu app. I asked if he bought it from there, and he didn't respond. When I asked again, he said, "Does it matter?" and left the room, sleeping on the couch.

I was so confused all night. Today, I downloaded the app and found my ring--it's listed at $38. I'm mad. He makes good money (200K/year), and I feel like he could've spent more on a ring than one from Temu. AITA for telling him I don't want it?

Update: After reading responses to my first post (which got taken down), I was freaking out. He came home while I was FaceTiming a friend about this. I hung up, and we talked for about an hour. He apologized for sleeping on the couch and said he needed time to think. He doesn't agree with my concerns about the ring and said he did research, and it was highly rated. He also said if the ring breaks, he'll replace it (but didn't say it'd be of higher quality). I've had people message me saying the ring could be harmful to my health due to Temu's poor standards for jewelry and labor issues, so now I really don't want to wear it. He went to his brother's house, and I usually go with him, but things are tense. AITA for telling him I still don't want the ring?

He ruined her special moment, and it was a jerk move. I'd understand "testing the waters" if this was just an anniversary gift, but should they get married, this ring is forever. Blame the lack of creativity; even tattoo rings would've been a better idea than this, bro. Read the rest of the thread here.

Check out last week's edition here.

[Image: Alexander Zvir]