The 50 degree oven strung me up, but the 28 millimeters of milk did the killing. Pure gold, thank you!
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 2:04 PM on November 27

Damn, no wonder my stuffing came out badly: I was using only 199 meters of honey. Next time, I'm doing the whole 200.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 2:10 PM on November 27 [2 favorites]

One of my mother's most treasured possessions is a recipe book like this from my brother's preschool class. So many recipes for corn on the cob, absolutely none of them remotely reasonable. Such a delight.
posted by EvaDestruction at 2:31 PM on November 27 [9 favorites]

This is just good advice!

"Whip whipped cream with a whip"
"Put a hole in the pie and put the whipped cream inside, as well"
posted by aubilenon at 2:43 PM on November 27 [3 favorites]

This is a classic kindergarten exercise and it's always fantastic.

I went to a very small school (450 students preK-12th); my brother and I both attended and my mom taught. We had all school assembly once a week, and I will never forget the year my brother was in kindergarten and his teacher got up to read some chosen recipes from her class for the enjoyment of the school.

(It's important here to know that my mom absolutely saw me and my brother as showpiece accessories, any time I stepped out of bounds as a kid where other people could see, I'd get yelled at for making her look bad.)

Anyway, our kindergarten teacher got up there and in front of every student and teacher and school administrative staff read my brother's recipe for broccoli, which included the instruction to put your broccoli into the chipped pot to cook it. I wish I remembered more. That was the key piece, but the whole thing was so good.

The crowd went wild. Everyone loved it. How often is something equally hilarious to small children, teens, and adults alike?? Never! My brother was a comedic genius. Then I looked over at my mom and she was doing her classic frozen smile and nod that I knew meant "lol I'm going to kill you later!" and sure enough he got yelled at. And she brought it up for YEARS afterward. "Oh my god I can't believe you told the whole school that we have chipped crockery!!!" Never mind he was FOUR and DIDN'T.

Oops turns out a cute childhood moment is actually a trauma my bad the holidays just really do bring that out, anyway seeing how children interpret the mundane things grown ups do will never not be funny.
posted by phunniemee at 2:44 PM on November 27 [30 favorites]

Take out the bones, put them on a plate, and put them in the shape of a tent. This will be a decoration.

Wow, dark...
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:59 PM on November 27 [15 favorites]

(Stuffing recipe) Top with donuts, ice cream, and cereal

Now they're just messing with us.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:04 PM on November 27

Always read a recipe completely before beginning. I was almost finished making stuffing before realizing I was out of donuts.

On preview: doh!
posted by downtohisturtles at 3:06 PM on November 27 [4 favorites]

My daughter's second grade class did this last year and the results were equally unhinged. It's an absolute treasure, we keep it in a special folder on the shelf with all the other cookbooks.
posted by saladin at 3:29 PM on November 27

I absolutely love "200 meters of honey".
posted by brainwane at 3:41 PM on November 27 [1 favorite]

"Maybe chicken, like 5 of them."

This is perfect. I'm a vegetarian but it's still perfect.
posted by edencosmic at 5:53 PM on November 27

Yep! I still have mine from about 1983. Some things are worth holding onto.
posted by hydra77 at 6:39 PM on November 27

When I was a lot younger, my mother had left a note for me to drain the chicken broth in the pan, that must've been simmering for a few hours before and then cooled.

So I carefully poured all of the broth down the sink, leaving a pan full of nice clean bones.
posted by many-things at 9:51 PM on November 27 [7 favorites]

My god this made me laugh. As commenter hakelliese79 said, “I‘m glad everyone‘s carefully using oven gloves. Don’t want to burn your fingers on that 50° oven.” Nothing says the holidays like a little salmonella!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:17 PM on November 27 [1 favorite]

STUFFING

1 whole bowl of beef
A tablespoon of turkey
...

I feel seen.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 10:36 PM on November 27

Wow, dark...

Reminds me of a project in first grade during the presidential election: everyone had to write up how they thought you become president and then draw a picture to go with, so the teacher could then put them all up on the wall for parent teacher night. I seem to recall two or three claiming succession by assassination.
posted by pwnguin at 10:56 PM on November 27 [3 favorites]

First stuff the turkey with bacon and eggs. Next smother the turkey with ranch. Then cook at 5° for 1 hours.

That was from the news clippings photo in the thread.
posted by y2karl at 11:12 PM on November 27

Years ago we had a paperback book called "Children's Humour" which was the deliverable from a Master's degree in Education. The author had turned up in various primary school classes in Northern England, said "Tell me a joke" and recorded the answers. Plenty of unintentional hilarity from kids using synonyms which, wrong wrong nearly right, ruined the pun. I wish we still had it, but we put it on a high shelf after our 10/11 y.o. had read it through fifteen times, and it disappeared.
posted by BobTheScientist at 1:26 AM on November 28

What do you think the decorative bone tent instruction could have been about???
posted by Omnomnom at 3:46 AM on November 28

many-things, in Jacques Pepin's autobiography, he recalls an adult student in one of his cooking classes doing the exact same thing. Evidently it's a reasonable mistake for someone to make when they're learning!
posted by brainwane at 4:01 AM on November 28 [1 favorite]

5000 cranberries, 20 pounds of jelly sauce and 2 DROPS of apple juice, don't forget the juice!

This was awesome!
posted by WaterAndPixels at 5:22 AM on November 28

OK. Now I'm doing this with my preschool class next week.
posted by kathrynm at 8:26 AM on November 28 [7 favorites]

kathrynm, please please come back with the results!
posted by cooker girl at 8:49 AM on November 28 [1 favorite]

Pumpkin Pie:

A Whip
posted by supermedusa at 9:12 AM on November 28

What do you think the decorative bone tent instruction could have been about???
[edited due to hitting post too soon!]

The description of putting a chicken inside a turkey is pretty specific- I suspect the kid had seen the birds being boned to make a turducken or whatever, and had mistaken the bone pile for a result rather than a side-effect.
posted by Shark Hat at 10:59 AM on November 28 [4 favorites]

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