top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]AutoModerator[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

This message is a friendly reminder of the following:

  • Absolutely no political content or political figures, regardless of context or focus.

  • Absolutely no memes or memetic content of any kind.

  • Absolutely no social media screenshots, videos, or other such content.

A complete breakdown of our rules can be found here.

Please report rule-breaking content when you see it. Thank you!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]zippityze 3480 points3481 points 2 (154 children)

Could be a false positive. Have your friends stick a finger in there too, just to be safe.

[–]Gockel 1326 points1327 points  (112 children)

their butt, your nose?

your butt, their nose?

your butt, your nose?

[–]eyecarrumba 639 points640 points 2 (38 children)

You're but, there nose.

[–]Task_wizard 316 points317 points 2 (5 children)

That was almost perfect. Knows*

[–]Appropriate-Cut-1179 82 points83 points  (4 children)

Jokes on you I’m into that s***

[–]ray2957 37 points38 points  (13 children)

But what if you both got covid

[–]ThriceG 47 points48 points  (9 children)

Have to find a 3rd party to join in as a control.

[–]PB03B6272 22 points23 points  (3 children)

so will a covid orgy be called Corgy?

[–]ScytheLird 13 points14 points  (2 children)

The corgi can join in too

[–]jacnok 14 points15 points  (0 children)

hold up

[–]craterglass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For real tho, imagine how traumatic anosmia would be for a dog....

[–]ilyaisagamer 9 points10 points  (4 children)

idk dude

[–]WabbaWay 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Accept the medical threesome. For science.

[–]fryman22 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Sounds like we need to throw in a fourth, just to be sure.

[–]Ohmahtree 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Just invite the insurance company. They'll find a way to fuck you all.

[–]Negative_Juan 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Let’s play a game called naked quarantine. testing once an hour until healthy

[–]PuriPuriPurizuna 5 points6 points  (0 children)

but noes, you're there

[–]W1b3 7 points8 points  (4 children)

But are there, You nose

[–]leftenant_sebastian 15 points16 points  (3 children)

I think I just had a stroke

[–]dodslaser 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Your nose strokes their butt.

[–]Oliumzen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No your butte, they're nose.

[–]turtlesubie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t like it.

[–]lechattueur 25 points26 points  (7 children)

It has to be that the one doing the test will in fact have to insert the finger into the butt of the friend. That is because, each shit has its own smell molecules (as you can witness if you smell someone else's shit) and so each shit has their unique signature smell. If there is no smell of the first shit, it could be that the smell nerves were costumed to the smell of his own shit. This can happen when one farts a lot or shits a lot, after which the smell nerves do not respond. This is why a second insertion into the butthole of the friend is needed. This test is highly effective but very unpleasant.

[–]chickenstalker 14 points15 points  (6 children)

Studies have shown that we recognize the smell of blood relatives better [11, 12, 13, 14, 15]. Hence, to increase the sensitivity of the diagnostic test, we propose the following modifications to the Lechattueur et al. [9] protocol: use two groups as test subjects vis., Group A (Control: siblings and parents); Group B (randomized strangers). We hypothesize that using close relatives as Group A would increase the test sensitivity due to the stored neural engrams which, if not detected, would indicate loss of olfactory function typical of severe Covid-19 cases [16, 17, 18, 19, 20].

[–]StraightAsABentThing 8 points9 points  (3 children)

So I should ask my sister to stick her finger up my butt?

[–]MgDark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

unless you are in alabama, in such case DO IT!

[–]Pandelein 19 points20 points  (7 children)

Just go nuts, try all the combinations.

[–]Gockel 26 points27 points  (6 children)

the nuts too????? surely you cant be serious

[–]SQUID_FUCKER 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I am serious. And don't call me Shirley...unless my nuts are stuffed in my ass.

[–]BABarracus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Make sure to lick just to verify.

[–]laser14344 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your butt could be really clean

[–]50-50ChanceImSerious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your butt, their butt

[–]Siegfried_Brandt 33 points34 points  (10 children)

I tested double positive. This is unfortunate.

[–]R0b0tJesus 18 points19 points  (7 children)

I wanted to be triple positive, but I couldn't fit that many fingers in there.

[–]Siegfried_Brandt 17 points18 points  (6 children)

Apparently the anus can stretch up to 7in before being damaged. I'm not a doctor so go wild with fingers.

[–]Nothrock 7 points8 points  (5 children)

there's a whooole subreddit with sharpies that challenges this theory.

[–]DarkToxic8 3 points4 points  (3 children)


[–]shugo2000 9 points10 points  (2 children)

[–]DoItForTheGild 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Because of course there is

[–]Mufatufa 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think my life is fulfilled. .. now I've seen everything

[–]Siegfried_Brandt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sure. There's also a lot of people who can probably disprove it through experience. But let's get back on topic. Is 7 inches of girthy test really enough to show positive for COVID?

[–]CovidInMyAsshole 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re not the only one.

Wear ur masks bruvs

[–]japalian 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah what if the fingers smelled like shit before putting them in the butt hole

[–]Thebanks1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Two noses one butt.

[–]ReadditMan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What if I don't have any friends? Should I just spread my cheeks at a stranger and hope they know what's up?

[–]WelcomeToTheFish 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Could also be because they still can't smell shit. Seriously, I had covid in mid November and I still can't smell my wife's farts.

[–]fishbulbx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ever play switchfinger?

[–]maxsteel126 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if it's not deep enough and someone decides to use something else? :O

[–]snapperjaw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I heard the taste goes as well so maybe have a lick too and double check.

[–]AnonymousGhou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If no friends are available, ask the nearest police man.

[–]AzharIQ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, my friends wouldn't mind doing that 😂😂.

[–]danishmalik315 1074 points1075 points  (12 children)

Stick your finger in your ass then in your nose. If you don't smell anything proceed and stick in your mouth, if there's no taste, quarentine yourself. Guys please, save lives!

[–]xenophon57 207 points208 points  (4 children)

The scene from Idiocracy with the medical probes makes so much more sense.

[–]Nate0110 59 points60 points  (3 children)

Ha ha,

No, wait this one goes in your mouth, this one goes in your butt.

[–]The_Luckiest 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Water? Like in the toilet?

[–]nooneisreal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My first wife was tarded. She's a pilot now.

[–]slicingdicing 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Quarantine yourself either way, if you do stuff like this don’t interact with others, save lives.

[–]Wyatt1313 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Results are shitty either way!

[–]thewholerobot 197 points198 points  (6 children)

Thank you for the info graphic but how often should I be testing? If 4x/day sufficient?

This is great because it is simple, straightforward, and something we all do anyway.

[–]Scratchbuttdontsniff 49 points50 points  (3 children)

Speak for yourself...

[–]blefird533 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Checks out

[–]smitteh 7 points8 points  (0 children)

i witnessed this

[–]yzyszn_approaching 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Something I ALL do anyway on this blessed day

[–]testDoNotDownvote 557 points558 points  (11 children)

I tested negative 100 times in a row, and I think I found something out about myself.

[–]Wyatt1313 169 points170 points  (3 children)

"oh I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me.."

[–]Annual-Drawer-6626 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Feels good huh

[–]Horny4theEnvironment 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Welcome to the club

[–]hulkmxl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That your fingers aren't as large or thick as you wished they were? That lubricants are a thing for a reason? That you don't have enough gay friends on speed dial?

TELL US, we have a right to know!!!

[–]AzharIQ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Time to come out of the closet.


[–]Skooj 100 points101 points  (7 children)

I currently have coronavirus, and I can confirm that this would theoretically work.

[–]l4pin 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Oh jeez, now I have to run my antivirus. Get well soon dude!

[–]Sodpoodle 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Can also confirm. Had covid a few weeks ago, still can't smell my own shit(or really anything).

[–]Incruentus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You should test your theory.

[–]CloudStepperz 136 points137 points  (17 children)

What if ya shit don't stink?

[–]xEtownBeatdown 201 points202 points  (8 children)

Then you need to lean a little bit closer and see that roses really smell like poo-ooo-ooh

[–]PersnlRspnsblity2077 59 points60 points  (0 children)

This guy outkasts

[–]TheManshack 13 points14 points  (6 children)

Isn't it 'boo-ooo-oooh'? I know the official sites say the lyric is with a 'p', but because he's singing he uses the voiced plosive 'b' in the song if you listen closely

[–]LightsJusticeZ 15 points16 points  (4 children)

Are you saying boo or boo-urns?

[–]augmented2_SteelyDan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Big brain over here

[–]saline235 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Have to taste it to be sure.

[–]YouCanCallMeVanZant 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A bridge too far

[–]herywort 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Then you're positive, didn't you see the infographic?

[–]gachunt 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Then you must be the Queen of England.

[–]Slazman999 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Or Kim Jong-un. He doesn't even have a butt hole.

[–]BrujaBean 118 points119 points  (15 children)

My mom called me and said she has been doing daily covid tests. I was confused and she was like “I started eating more fiber and my farts smell so bad I’m confident I don’t have covid”

[–]Mumps42 40 points41 points  (13 children)

I thought I lost my sense of smell the other day (turns out I have a sinus infection..). I couldn't smell my breakfast, or anything else. An hour later I ripped a HUGE fart and... 100% confirmed, I can still smell.. It was SO BAD! D:

[–]sub_surfer 13 points14 points  (9 children)

When you lose your sense of smell from covid it's not because of congestion, but covid can make you congested too (though relax if you're just congested it probably ain't covid). What you want to do is use a decongestant like Afrin nasal spray and then try to smell something. The coronavirus actually damages the epithelial cells in your nose that are important for sense of smell, and fortunately this is usually only temporary unlike other viruses that cause anosmia by damaging the neurons in your brain that process smell.

[–]Mumps42 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Yeah, the way Covid takes away your smell is some scary shit! A friend of mine caught it a while back, he's still having trouble smelling even though he's in the clear. Hopefully that's the worst of it for him. He's a good dude..

[–]sub_surfer 2 points3 points  (2 children)

It's the covid symptom that scares me most as a young person. He will probably get it back though, about 90% of people do after 3 weeks or so.

[–]pezgoon 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I’m sorry?? Other viruses do that and are damaging the neurons?? Fuhhhh

Also I have read a story about a chef who’s sense of taste and smell hasn’t come back months later and was working at a high ends restaurant poor guy

[–]pdabaker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not really reliable. My smell disappeared in the second week after the fever and such was over.

[–]Lost_Pantheon 57 points58 points  (1 child)

Me: You gotta stick your finger in my ass, now!

Friend: Oh, you mean that COVID-19 test thing from reddit?

Me: The what now?

[–]Ospov 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Real friends wouldn’t question it.

[–]keyserv 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Hm, shit. Guess I'm good.

[–]Devin3014 34 points35 points  (4 children)

This belongs in r/LifeProTips

[–]eshiki 73 points74 points  (3 children)

Pretty sure it should be r/shittylifeprotips

[–]Devin3014 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Didn't know about that one! It fits perfectly

[–]PowerfulGas 11 points12 points  (1 child)

what what in the butt

[–]FuriousTarts 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I said what what

[–]_nothing_there_ 28 points29 points  (3 children)

I don’t even have cuff links. Does my butler perform my test?

[–]R0b0tJesus 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Doesn't have to be your butler. Any properly trained butler will do.

[–]_nothing_there_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good point Jesus. I’ll see if Craigslist turns anything up.

[–]OctopusPudding 24 points25 points  (6 children)

I know this is a joke, but for the record I just tested positive and I can still taste and smell. I have like every other symptom under the sun but I managed to avoid those two.

[–]lillithrose23 5 points6 points  (4 children)

I just found out I tested positive and I don't have any symptoms (yet). Can definitely still smell my husband farts lol :(

I took another PCR test yesterday and will again on Monday just to be sure. I feel like a false positive is rare but we'll see..

[–]Alakasam 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Shouldn't you keep away from your husband if you have it...? Or does your husband's farts float down the hallway hahaha

[–]randomguy987654321 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Love Seth Meyers joke about the new anal covid test in Asia (seriously, there is one).

"...the bad news is, the swap still has to touch the back of your throat."

[–]wannaseeawheelie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Better taste to be extra sure

[–]aux_arcs-en-ciel 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The good part about this test is that I didn't need a pen to record the results.

[–]scottamus_prime 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Why does my finger smell like cum?

[–]FudgySlippers 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because you’re doing life right.

[–]donovance105 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This post is responsible for me expelling beer from my nostrils. Who do I talk to about that?


[–]Flying_Tortoise 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Less disgusting test: spray yourself a full can of AXE bodyspray. If there's anyone within 5 meter radius, they're positive.

[–]nightwalkerxx 8 points9 points  (3 children)

One female doctor actually did this and in fact it worked. However, you have to be in a tub to get the correct angle of where the COVID virus infects. Google Tub Girl for more info.

[–]Revolutionary-Elk-28 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Tub girl...what a blast from the past

[–]2KilAMoknbrd 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Must use someone else's anus. Everyone knows your own shit doesn't stink.

[–]Horn_Python 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i jst lick my nintendo switch cartridges

[–]Miami_Cracker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This seems rather personal in the drive through line, but alright

[–]Shivery1234 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]Sotoras 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wtf but i guess u have to try if u really want to be Sure

[–]codewrangler315 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why is Nigel Thornberry smelling his own shitty finger

[–]CandyWalls 17 points18 points  (6 children)

How is this funny

Edit: this has to be a b0t post, why is reddit so broken.

[–]Insanopatato 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Thank you, the comment I came here to see. Literally no joke. Finger in butt ? Haha poop finger. Bad smell. Negative. Positive. No knows but poop finger, Haha. Like really. How is this funny ?

[–]GameKing505 8 points9 points  (2 children)

It’s not that funny but loss of sense of smell is a covid symptom, which is the root of the joke. Of course you could just try to smell a flower or something instead of ass-fingers...

[–]jupfold 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Old person here. Same Q.

[–]Joey_the_Duck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll be bringing this to my Health and Safety meeting Wednesday.

[–]RealPunyParker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Instructions unclear, i'm gay now

[–]S1ayer 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What do I have if it feels good?

[–]sumgai12345 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Gay?

[–]SolidRelation2353 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe i have a clean ass you dont know

[–]GuilleVQ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have to taste it to make extra sure.

[–]per_mare_per_terras 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Didn’t say whose finger it was.

[–]Spec187 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been doing the covid test my whole life

[–]Champ_Here 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Better see if you can taste too, just to be sure

[–]nik-nak333 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"You gotta get that finger way up your ass, Morty. Like, like as far as it'll go, up in your ass."

[–]snakeness710 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I got covid guys God damnitt

[–]harshedmellow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stick two fingers in to get a second opinion.

[–]angels-fan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had covid in November and my smell is slowly returning, but I can't smell poop at all.

[–]pinroses 1 point2 points  (0 children)

K now go was your hands. Purell not gonna cut it

[–]nohome69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh no I’m not falling for this again

[–]BobC813 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP, are you my boomer uncle?

[–]Stock_Audience 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's wrong with you.... It's stupid....

Everyone knows taste test is the more accurate

[–]hasorand0m 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dont forget! If it bites while u are up there , u have a tapeworm!

[–]JA_ZZ_TOP_RULE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's true, Dr. Fecee approved this test

[–]kipling200 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Negative thank goodness

[–]Virhil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What about tasting?

[–]allyurinlove 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]Mr_HPpavilion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Post it on Facebook and see how many people would believe it

[–]accountaholic26 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Low cost. I like it.

[–]CXR_AXR 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Um.... I think the fact that you are willing to perform this test may be an indication that the covid19 virus already invaded your brain

[–]IRISH_IDIOT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is this true? JK BUT IS IT?

[–]Rheinys 1 point2 points  (0 children)

r/TIHI thanks I hate covid19 anal test

[–]nunchaq 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And to be sure stick finger in some other ass.....

[–]mileskg21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a shitty meme m8 /s 🤣😂

[–]StoneHex_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Alright that’s enough reddit for today

[–]Phil019 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Warning: Does not work if you are a bottom.

[–]SGAShepp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What asshole came up with this shitty test.

[–]Jim_e_Clash 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Instructions unclear, I stuck my arm so deep in my ass i could smell my fingers...they smell like color purple. What do?

[–]Krish39 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Ironically, many people, such as myself, experience smelling shit for months after COVID. Took me about a month to figure out the smell wasn’t real.

[–]Crezelle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I keep my weed jar by my bed so I can do a test every morning

[–]chh2tx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you lose your sense of taste too..... so I guess gotta lick those fingers?

[–]RATasticRat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Shit post

[–]therealEliKubrick 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The true Covid-19 anal test is having someone eat your ass. If they say you taste good that means you're Covid free.

[–]laureire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got covid and my nurse friend said, “Can you smell your farts? If you can smell your farts, you’re o.k.”.

[–]maxsteel126 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My uncle is saying he'll help me with test as fingers don't go deep enough.

[–]IndependenceOk4150 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't like it.

[–]Forlorn_Cyborg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What cursed boomer humor is this?

[–]Heathen_at_Heart74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fucking priceless!!!

[–]Affect_Loose 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]josiah865 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know if you stick a penny in your ass and it turns green you’re sick?

Well I think if you stick a penny in your ass you’re already sick.

[–]1ntroductionSalty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am laughing so hard

[–]rmftrmft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m Negative!

[–]-VampireWeekday- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am laughing so hard

[–]zekonke 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]iseehotdog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Real test is if you can taste it or not!

[–]Electronic-Region301 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Taste to be sure

[–]Freemangoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let’s try this now. “MOM!!! I need help!! Can you come to the basement now????”

[–]TREACHEROUSDEV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I still have a finger up my ass and I still can't smell shit, I have COVID?