I am a parasite and I do not have the country’s best interests at heart.
August 23, 2024 10:06 PM Subscribe
My fellow worms and Americans It is I, your friend, the worm who ate part of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s brain, then died.
As a creature who seeks only to gorge myself willy-nilly on whatever life offers without concern for what devastation I leave in my wake, I have long admired Donald Trump’s way of doing things. To live off the production of others in a harmful way, and to dwell relentlessly in the minds of people who wish they did not have to devote a corner to me — that is a creed we share. And he frequently speaks of his admiration for Hannibal Lecter, who also famously ate brain, so I know that if we ever met, we would have something to talk about.
As a creature who seeks only to gorge myself willy-nilly on whatever life offers without concern for what devastation I leave in my wake, I have long admired Donald Trump’s way of doing things. To live off the production of others in a harmful way, and to dwell relentlessly in the minds of people who wish they did not have to devote a corner to me — that is a creed we share. And he frequently speaks of his admiration for Hannibal Lecter, who also famously ate brain, so I know that if we ever met, we would have something to talk about.
Should have alexandrapetri tag. She's great and a recurring favorite of the blue.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:58 PM on August 23 [12 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:58 PM on August 23 [12 favorites]
"However, he made clear that he wasn’t formally ending his bid..." is that so he can keep spending campaign money?
posted by rubatan at 1:47 AM on August 24 [8 favorites]
posted by rubatan at 1:47 AM on August 24 [8 favorites]
he keeps the money AND doesn't have to work for it neither.
Also, he is removing his name from contested states, in order to ensure that his previous work is meaningless
posted by eustatic at 1:54 AM on August 24 [4 favorites]
Also, he is removing his name from contested states, in order to ensure that his previous work is meaningless
posted by eustatic at 1:54 AM on August 24 [4 favorites]
I don't think there's anything unusual in suspending a campaign instead of just ending it, politicians do it all the time because of FEC regulations. A suspended campaign can still use donor funds to pay out the campaign staff and make final payments on rented equipment and vehicles, a terminated campaign can't.
As for the article - that was totally unfunny, and actually fairly stupid.
posted by fortitude25 at 4:03 AM on August 24 [1 favorite]
As for the article - that was totally unfunny, and actually fairly stupid.
posted by fortitude25 at 4:03 AM on August 24 [1 favorite]
An acquaintance recently wondered: is there a chance that Trump may switch out Vance for RFK Jr.?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:43 AM on August 24 [6 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:43 AM on August 24 [6 favorites]
This is great, of course, but I clicked a link to a previous op-ed and it was even better. Petri can make my day. Gift link: https://wapo.st/4dB327r
posted by acrasis at 5:00 AM on August 24 [2 favorites]
posted by acrasis at 5:00 AM on August 24 [2 favorites]
An acquaintance recently wondered: is there a chance that Trump may switch out Vance for RFK Jr.?
You don't have to listen to RFK Jr. for long before realizing there's something seriously wrong with him. He'd fit right in, obviously.
posted by tommasz at 5:05 AM on August 24 [6 favorites]
You don't have to listen to RFK Jr. for long before realizing there's something seriously wrong with him. He'd fit right in, obviously.
posted by tommasz at 5:05 AM on August 24 [6 favorites]
Like flocks to like.
posted by DJZouke at 5:12 AM on August 24 [1 favorite]
posted by DJZouke at 5:12 AM on August 24 [1 favorite]
Like flocks to like.
Crank magnetism, though behind closed doors I bet the lead anti-vax nutjob and the narcissist who thinks he did Project Warp Speed singlehandedly would have some interesting slapfights if they weren't both being puppeted by Timothy Mellon.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 5:53 AM on August 24 [3 favorites]
Crank magnetism, though behind closed doors I bet the lead anti-vax nutjob and the narcissist who thinks he did Project Warp Speed singlehandedly would have some interesting slapfights if they weren't both being puppeted by Timothy Mellon.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 5:53 AM on August 24 [3 favorites]
The question now is whether RFK's supporters will follow him and vote for Trump or dump him in disgust and vote for Harris. If enough of them live in the crucial battleground states, their decision which way to go could make a difference in November.
posted by Paul Slade at 6:13 AM on August 24
posted by Paul Slade at 6:13 AM on August 24
Thank you for getting me to research Mellon! I didn't know about him. They're all clearly under the influence of an ancient runestone.
posted by Flight Hardware, do not touch at 6:46 AM on August 24 [2 favorites]
posted by Flight Hardware, do not touch at 6:46 AM on August 24 [2 favorites]
RFK endorsing Trump? Talk about hitching your wagon to a star, wow.
Well, an asterisk.
In the Vonnegut sense.
posted by emelenjr at 7:20 AM on August 24 [11 favorites]
Well, an asterisk.
In the Vonnegut sense.
posted by emelenjr at 7:20 AM on August 24 [11 favorites]
Mod note: Should have alexandrapetri tag
Tag added, thanks for suggestion!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 8:11 AM on August 24 [3 favorites]
Tag added, thanks for suggestion!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 8:11 AM on August 24 [3 favorites]
I wasted a bit of my life watching his remarks yesterday, but lost the will to continue when he started denouncing the Ukrainian Maidan as a US-run coup.
posted by senor biggles at 8:24 AM on August 24 [2 favorites]
posted by senor biggles at 8:24 AM on August 24 [2 favorites]
A great premise, but the execution perhaps not up to Petri's usual brilliant standards. Hopefully the worms have not gotten to her.
posted by Naberius at 8:26 AM on August 24 [1 favorite]
posted by Naberius at 8:26 AM on August 24 [1 favorite]
When the guy who admitted to brain worms and hid a dead bear in Central Park for fun endorses you, it's time to review the steps that led you to this moment in time, the things that you believe in, and your daily fiber intake.
posted by delfin at 9:23 AM on August 24 [9 favorites]
posted by delfin at 9:23 AM on August 24 [9 favorites]
Metafilter: totally unfunny, and actually fairly stupid.
posted by stevil at 9:25 AM on August 24 [8 favorites]
posted by stevil at 9:25 AM on August 24 [8 favorites]
I can't get past the first paragraphs on these. Even with the gift link, a signup for a subscription popup covers the rest of the article.
posted by rochrobbb at 1:11 PM on August 24 [4 favorites]
posted by rochrobbb at 1:11 PM on August 24 [4 favorites]
Hang on, RFK Jr. actually had a brain worm? I thought it was just a bit for the purposes of a column. Pretty funny invention on Petri's part, it seemed.
Wow, this timeline.
posted by rory at 1:38 PM on August 24 [2 favorites]
Wow, this timeline.
posted by rory at 1:38 PM on August 24 [2 favorites]
I'm still boggling that he ate rat eyes in Behind the Baatards. The man has such fixations on fucking amd dead animals that I'm expecting him to disclose that he combines the two oh, any second now.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:49 PM on August 24 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:49 PM on August 24 [1 favorite]
In RFK Jr.'s defense, Ceti Alpha Five was pretty lousy with eels after Ceti Alpha Six exploded.
posted by credulous at 3:25 PM on August 24 [2 favorites]
posted by credulous at 3:25 PM on August 24 [2 favorites]
> RFK's supporters will follow him and vote for Trump or dump him in disgust and vote for Harris
...or just not vote at all. We have about 1/3 for TFG, 1/3 for Harris and 1/3 of eligible voters who don't vote. In some recent US presidential elections, "none of the above" was the strongest bloc. I don't know how this breaks down for the electorally-significant states.
posted by ASCII Costanza head at 4:11 PM on August 24
...or just not vote at all. We have about 1/3 for TFG, 1/3 for Harris and 1/3 of eligible voters who don't vote. In some recent US presidential elections, "none of the above" was the strongest bloc. I don't know how this breaks down for the electorally-significant states.
posted by ASCII Costanza head at 4:11 PM on August 24
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posted by clavdivs at 10:18 PM on August 23 [11 favorites]