The following relationship "advice" is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only -- please do not cite us in divorce court.

Each week, we'll be rounding up the internet's most interesting relationship questions and chiming right in. From nightmare first dates to exploring new fetishes, we're leaving no corner of the internet unexplored.

I Have Fallen In Love With Revenge On My Husband

^{[Image credit: Pixabay]}

My husband cheated on me. He begged me to stay and go to counseling, and that’s what we have been doing for 2 months now. I think I am still in shock, honestly. He said he would do anything just for us to stay together. In our latest session, I told him with the therapist present that I will never sleep with him again. That she could have him and that I will have sex with another man. He will not know when, where, or with whom. If he doesn’t want to live like this, he can divorce me. He started crying and said that I was being unfair, which is ironic because he started this.

He says it is not the same.

————

Edit: I also made a group chat with all his friends, all his colleagues (she is a colleague), and told her, “HER NAME, I just want YOU to know that I am grateful for you showing me my husband’s true colors. He is ALL yours now. Congratulations on winning such a prize.”

————

Edit2: I will not be sleeping with others. I just told him so.

————

Edit3: Ok, off to bed. I am getting slaughtered here and didn’t expect that. All I want is for him to feel my pain. He cheated on me, and now I have to make the decision to leave him. I wanted him to feel the same. When he believes I cheated, and he has to leave. That’s all. If that makes me an AH, then I am the AH. I respect your verdict ❤️ Good night.

————

Edit4: Wow, I wasn’t expecting this, and now I’m getting lots of support too! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Well, I just woke up. Haven’t slept in weeks! I needed it. My husband wants to talk. We have a session today that I actually didn’t want to attend (in the last session, I told them that this would be the last one because I have made up my mind, but he begged me because he said he wanted to talk). Not sure what to expect. Hopefully, he is going to ask for a divorce, and we’ll be done with this. I need to go to bed again before the appointment. If anything important happens, I will let you know.

I can't get behind all these mental games unless they’re part of a “Real Housewives” plotline. Both parties seem miserable, which is a reminder that marriage isn’t for everyone. I get the urge to get even, but, at this point, it might be better to move on with your life. Read the rest of the thread here.

My Fiance’s Too Much Of A Nightmare On Travel Days, But Only With This One Friend

^{[Image credit: Julien Bachelet]}

Anytime my fiancé and a particular friend of his get together, they stay out drinking until 2, 3, sometimes 4 AM. While I think 3/4 AM is a little too late, it doesn’t bother me that much. However, due to their busy work schedules, they often get together the night before a holiday weekend, which means he and I have a flight the following morning. This situation has happened maybe 5 times now.

Last night I called him at 1:30 AM asking why he wasn’t home yet since we had to wake up at 6 AM for our flight. He said he wasn’t coming home yet but would “soonish”—anytime he says that, it could be 1 hour or it could be 3. Every time he tells me of these plans, I beg him to move it to a night when we don’t have a flight the next morning, or to come home at a decent time, like 12/1 AM if it has to be the night before a flight. He refused again, despite me explaining (as I have before) that it severely impacts my sleep, not to mention makes both of us miserable the next day with his hangover. I somehow managed to fall asleep right after the phone conversation, which turned into an argument, but told him I don’t think I can marry someone so immature because he doesn’t communicate and makes me feel like he doesn’t respect me at all.

He ended up coming home at 2:30 AM and somehow couldn’t get into our house, but he only called me twice (it didn’t wake me up) and didn’t text, knock on the door, etc. He often leaves his keys at home, so I wonder if he did that or was just too drunk and gave up, sitting outside the door from 2:30-6. When I woke up, I freaked out that he was nowhere to be found until I called him and he told me he’s outside. He stumbled in and told me he’s not coming on our weekend trip because I said I don’t think I can marry him, then went to the couch and fell asleep.

I need him to step it up and be more responsible and respectful. His communication is really bad, and he stonewalls me during every argument. I’m happy to let him have his boys' nights other than this situation that keeps repeating itself. I’m pissed, but I’m also just so hurt at this point. Is this unreasonable? What can I say/do for him to understand that all these behaviors are not okay and not what a marriage should be? We’re supposed to get married in a couple of weeks, and I don’t know what to do.

EDIT to add: He sees this friend about once every month or two. He doesn't have this behavior with other friends.

Maybe it’s hidden flight anxiety, or just a tendency to over-schedule. Regardless, it sounds like he isn’t a priority to her when he’s around?. You don’t throw an 'I don’t think I can marry him around this lightly. Read the rest of the thread here.

I Can't Get Over My Girlfriend's Drunk Mistake Story

^{[Image credit: Liliana Drew]}

Throwaway account because I’m really at a loss here and just want to get some outside perspectives.

My girlfriend (26F) and I (28M) have been dating for about two years. We’ve always had a strong, loving relationship, and I thought we were heading towards something serious.

A few days ago, she went out with her friends to celebrate a friend’s birthday. I had to work late and couldn’t join them, but I told her to go and have fun. I trusted her completely and never had any doubts that she’d be safe with her friends. The next day, she came over to my place looking really upset. I thought something bad had happened to her or her friends. We sat down, and she told me she needed to confess something.

My heart sank because I could tell it was serious, but I had no idea what was coming. She explained that she got really drunk that night, way more than usual. While she was at the bar, she saw a guy who looked just like me. In her drunken state, she thought it was me and went up to him. She called out my name, and he just smiled and started talking to her. So, she ended up spending the rest of the night with this guy, thinking it was me. She kept calling him by my name, and apparently, he never corrected her. They danced, talked, and left the bar together. She said she was convinced it was me even when they left. (This is where my heart actually stopped.) It wasn’t until she woke up the next morning in a stranger’s bed that she realized it wasn’t me. She was horrified, left quickly, and came over to confess everything.

She was crying and said she never meant to cheat on me and that it was a horrible mistake because she genuinely thought she was with me the whole time. I’m in dispute with myself. On one hand, I get that she was drunk and confused, but on the other hand, she still ended up sleeping with someone else. It hurts so much to think about, even though she says she thought it was me. I love her, but I’m struggling to see how I can trust her again after this.

AITA for thinking about breaking up over this? I am pretty insecure when it comes to trust and cheating inside a relationship, but she still cheated, even if it was in her vulnerable state. She was still honest about it and seems to regret it deeply, but I’m not sure. Plus, her friends were there and knew me; they could’ve stepped in or done something.

Did she have AI write this story? Even Disney has started putting out more realistic content recently. I wouldn’t feel too bad about breaking up; if she misses you, she can always go out for a few drinks. Read the rest of the thread here.

Check out last week's edition here.

[Image: cottonbro studio]