Tesladammerung
October 11, 2024 10:55 AM Subscribe
Writing for Ars Technica, automotive editor Jonathan Gitlin covers Tesla's "We, Robot" event in which the car maker revealed their Cybercab prototypes, as well as their autonomous "Robovan" minibus concept.
In the runup to the event, Tesla has seen several senior leaders leave after long tenures at the company, including their safety policy and automation lead. Institutional investors also seem nonplussed about the event, given hopes for an announcement of product refreshes or a new model to appear in the near future, given flight from the brand due to the CEO's rightward swing politically, the aging of the company's existing models, and the softness of the market for the Cybertruck.
In the runup to the event, Tesla has seen several senior leaders leave after long tenures at the company, including their safety policy and automation lead. Institutional investors also seem nonplussed about the event, given hopes for an announcement of product refreshes or a new model to appear in the near future, given flight from the brand due to the CEO's rightward swing politically, the aging of the company's existing models, and the softness of the market for the Cybertruck.
When will karma ever get this dude? God, he's so stupid. I want to support robo-cars and instead I think they'll just end up killing people.
This is from 2018, but: "And even if shareholders wanted Musk to leave, its board of directors might not have the ability — or will — to act. Tesla’s board is filled with many Musk allies, including his own brother, and it has stood by him up to this point. ...“The problem is he basically controls the company with his position. The board are basically appointed by him, and it’s very hard for a director to cross the person who puts you there,”
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:11 AM on October 11 [9 favorites]
This is from 2018, but: "And even if shareholders wanted Musk to leave, its board of directors might not have the ability — or will — to act. Tesla’s board is filled with many Musk allies, including his own brother, and it has stood by him up to this point. ...“The problem is he basically controls the company with his position. The board are basically appointed by him, and it’s very hard for a director to cross the person who puts you there,”
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:11 AM on October 11 [9 favorites]
Why have shareholders not thrown his ass out yet?
Because at this point, Tesla investors are either ride or die on the Ketamine Express, or they're in so deep that they know how fucked they'll be when the Tesla waveform collapses, and they're actively working to put off that particular dies irae.
posted by NoxAeternum at 11:12 AM on October 11 [4 favorites]
Because at this point, Tesla investors are either ride or die on the Ketamine Express, or they're in so deep that they know how fucked they'll be when the Tesla waveform collapses, and they're actively working to put off that particular dies irae.
posted by NoxAeternum at 11:12 AM on October 11 [4 favorites]
I was driving the other day and we passed a Cybertruck, one of my son's friends pointed and said "that dude paid $100k so people could laugh at him and call him an idiot"
He's not wrong
posted by caution live frogs at 11:13 AM on October 11 [33 favorites]
He's not wrong
posted by caution live frogs at 11:13 AM on October 11 [33 favorites]
The guy who runs the social media site spreading lies and dangerous misinformation wants me to trust him and get into one of his driverless cars?
Um. Yeah. Hard pass.
posted by underavenue at 11:14 AM on October 11 [14 favorites]
Um. Yeah. Hard pass.
posted by underavenue at 11:14 AM on October 11 [14 favorites]
Why would a Ponzi-natalist create a taxi that only fits a childless cat lady and her feline?
posted by credulous at 11:26 AM on October 11 [4 favorites]
posted by credulous at 11:26 AM on October 11 [4 favorites]
Driverless cars make as much sense as flying cars in Bladerunner. 1. Automated cars my ass. 2. How do you do air traffic control with the equivalent of today's average yahoos driver at the wheel of your flying cars? Talk about American carnage. Shit, it's bad enough as it is
posted by y2karl at 11:31 AM on October 11 [5 favorites]
posted by y2karl at 11:31 AM on October 11 [5 favorites]
I mean who designed his butt ugly Afrikaner Stingray? Is this his ha ha I'm stinking rich billionaire troll? Mars needs jerks. Why isn't he gone already?
posted by y2karl at 11:38 AM on October 11 [4 favorites]
posted by y2karl at 11:38 AM on October 11 [4 favorites]
Once again, he's turned out some ugly shit. Looks like somebody dug around grandpa's basement and came out with a moldy 1928 Popular Mechanics article on "The City of the Future" for a concept vehicle with the same implausible chance of functionality.
posted by BlueHorse at 11:42 AM on October 11 [2 favorites]
posted by BlueHorse at 11:42 AM on October 11 [2 favorites]
I was driving the other day and we passed a Cybertruck, one of my son's friends pointed and said "that dude paid $100k so people could laugh at him and call him an idiot"
I saw my first cybertruck in the wild yesterday and thought more-or-less the same thing, and then I passed a 2nd parked perhaps 5 spots in front of the first. What are the odds? My only guess is that someone who works at the nearby Tesla dealership lives there.
posted by axiom at 11:43 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]
I saw my first cybertruck in the wild yesterday and thought more-or-less the same thing, and then I passed a 2nd parked perhaps 5 spots in front of the first. What are the odds? My only guess is that someone who works at the nearby Tesla dealership lives there.
posted by axiom at 11:43 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]
Every time that guy opens his mouth, his stocks crash hard by like 20%. But for some reason the cult keeps inflating the price over time afterward.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 12:05 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 12:05 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
Snake oil, 2024
posted by Chuffy at 12:06 PM on October 11 [2 favorites]
posted by Chuffy at 12:06 PM on October 11 [2 favorites]
His stock is tanking and his staged events are becoming laughable. The remote controlled robots were impressive in that they could walk and have a wide range of motion but the charade it wasn’t someone talking to you or controlling it was cringe worthy. He’s been promising full self driving for so long even CNN didn’t buy what was essentially a puff piece. The basic fact is the build quality of Tesla’s suck and they’re being lapped by both traditional automakers and companies like Waymo. If he were to announce these things were available now it’d give more credence but he missed the Cybertruck deadline and really anything else by years. We were supposed to be on Mars by now and his rocket company found it too profitable to launch Starlink and government satellites.
posted by geoff. at 12:07 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
posted by geoff. at 12:07 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
Let's see, that's a taxicab... that only holds two people... who are fit enough to slide into the low-slung, tiny, bucket seat... who can climb out of said seat over the thigh-high entry beam. Fun.
We've got robots that require a human operator.
And a mini-bus that's crappier than the school bus that just drove by.
What a show!
Elon, here's a free idea. If you're building a cab, seat six (at least). Make it easy to get in and out, maybe even a version that's wheelchair accessible. Carriage doors? And maybe styling tips from London cabs, or Checker Motors? They don't need to be streamlined and sleek, they need to move people safely from one place to another.
posted by Marky at 12:19 PM on October 11 [7 favorites]
We've got robots that require a human operator.
And a mini-bus that's crappier than the school bus that just drove by.
What a show!
Elon, here's a free idea. If you're building a cab, seat six (at least). Make it easy to get in and out, maybe even a version that's wheelchair accessible. Carriage doors? And maybe styling tips from London cabs, or Checker Motors? They don't need to be streamlined and sleek, they need to move people safely from one place to another.
posted by Marky at 12:19 PM on October 11 [7 favorites]
5 years ago I thought Tesla was just another Fisker-esque niche luxury car maker. I assumed the legacy makers would all spin up BEV models to each take 5-10% of the market, freezing Tesla out of growth past 100,000/yr or so.
4 years ago the success of the 3 & Y, plus initial YouTube videos of FSD in trial on actual city streets started piquing my interest. (I'm a massive BEV fanatic and will only drive all-electric here on out).
Before Musk's early 2022 heel-turn I was getting increasingly enthusiastic about his promised "50% CAGR for the foreseeable future" and real FSD getting close to release "this year for sure".
The 2+ years since then have been a cavalcade of 💩, even aside from the Xitter sideshows.
Last night's event was severely disappointing as a shareholder and Tesla fanboi wanting to see a turnaround start and the company get serious about growing past its current 2M/yr run rate.
As I joked on another site, they shoulda rented out Westwood, not that back lot.
posted by torokunai at 12:25 PM on October 11 [2 favorites]
4 years ago the success of the 3 & Y, plus initial YouTube videos of FSD in trial on actual city streets started piquing my interest. (I'm a massive BEV fanatic and will only drive all-electric here on out).
Before Musk's early 2022 heel-turn I was getting increasingly enthusiastic about his promised "50% CAGR for the foreseeable future" and real FSD getting close to release "this year for sure".
The 2+ years since then have been a cavalcade of 💩, even aside from the Xitter sideshows.
Last night's event was severely disappointing as a shareholder and Tesla fanboi wanting to see a turnaround start and the company get serious about growing past its current 2M/yr run rate.
As I joked on another site, they shoulda rented out Westwood, not that back lot.
posted by torokunai at 12:25 PM on October 11 [2 favorites]
I think this might be the “give him enough rope” theory of leadership change. The other problem is that Chinese ev manufacturers are toasting western efforts right now, so unless something improves Tesla might be dead in a few years. Although, idk, maybe a lot of right wing people will buy a Tesla because of twitter.
posted by The River Ivel at 12:27 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
posted by The River Ivel at 12:27 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
"Individualized Mass Transit" what a putz.
Nice to see the stock drop after the event. It's taken far to many years, but I think the wider media is starting to finally see the emperor isn't wearing any clothes.
posted by Static Vagabond at 12:27 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
Nice to see the stock drop after the event. It's taken far to many years, but I think the wider media is starting to finally see the emperor isn't wearing any clothes.
posted by Static Vagabond at 12:27 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
Oh, and if you needed more proof of Musk's amoral greed and ego, he played up that he was giving people in hurricane impacted areas free access to Starlink.
Except that it turned out that the people that took him up on this had to still pay $400 for the gear, and that the "free access"...was a one month trial after which the user was automatically signed up for $120/month.
posted by NoxAeternum at 12:36 PM on October 11 [14 favorites]
Except that it turned out that the people that took him up on this had to still pay $400 for the gear, and that the "free access"...was a one month trial after which the user was automatically signed up for $120/month.
posted by NoxAeternum at 12:36 PM on October 11 [14 favorites]
Fully unsupervised FSD on streets next year? No thanks.
Hi - I work on the WB lot and as I and anybody else who has been there the past two weeks can tell you, Tesla has been bringing in tons of cars around 6 pm every day. I don't know what else this could be for except collecting data to make these dumbass "self-driving vehicles" navigate the course without crashing into the Friends fountain or something.
I hate this guy so much and I hate whoever let him do this on the lot.
posted by queensissy at 12:48 PM on October 11 [13 favorites]
Hi - I work on the WB lot and as I and anybody else who has been there the past two weeks can tell you, Tesla has been bringing in tons of cars around 6 pm every day. I don't know what else this could be for except collecting data to make these dumbass "self-driving vehicles" navigate the course without crashing into the Friends fountain or something.
I hate this guy so much and I hate whoever let him do this on the lot.
posted by queensissy at 12:48 PM on October 11 [13 favorites]
either ride or die on the Ketamine Express, or they're in so deep that they know how fucked they'll be when the Tesla waveform collapses
It's the investment application of the Big Lie: once you've swallowed it, you're a committed believer.
posted by away for regrooving at 12:54 PM on October 11 [4 favorites]
It's the investment application of the Big Lie: once you've swallowed it, you're a committed believer.
posted by away for regrooving at 12:54 PM on October 11 [4 favorites]
I don't know what else this could be for except collecting data
That is precisely what they were doing -- gathering huge amounts of data on that small space, to make sure things worked correctly in the demo. Some tech news outlets were reporting on it in the runup to the demo.
...and even at THAT, people online report seeing a "stagehand" type person manually instructing the car to open the doors etc. He wasn't even hidden; he was just wearing black and standing off to one side.
posted by aramaic at 1:05 PM on October 11 [4 favorites]
That is precisely what they were doing -- gathering huge amounts of data on that small space, to make sure things worked correctly in the demo. Some tech news outlets were reporting on it in the runup to the demo.
...and even at THAT, people online report seeing a "stagehand" type person manually instructing the car to open the doors etc. He wasn't even hidden; he was just wearing black and standing off to one side.
posted by aramaic at 1:05 PM on October 11 [4 favorites]
He wasn't even hidden; he was just wearing black and standing off to one side.
Fitting, given that this was all kabuki theater.
(For those who don't understand, there's a tradition in Japanese theater of having black-clad stage helpers who the audience is supposed to read as invisible (while being quite visible.))
posted by NoxAeternum at 1:17 PM on October 11 [7 favorites]
Fitting, given that this was all kabuki theater.
(For those who don't understand, there's a tradition in Japanese theater of having black-clad stage helpers who the audience is supposed to read as invisible (while being quite visible.))
posted by NoxAeternum at 1:17 PM on October 11 [7 favorites]
I don't think it's an ugly design -- if it were a sportscar that was meant to be fun to drive. But it's driverless, and a cab is not a sportscar. So it's not ugly but it's dumb.
I also don't think driverless taxis (or driverless cars in general) are dumb in principle. I do think it's dumb for Tesla to announce in 2024 that they're going to have functional driverless taxis on the road in 2025, because they're not.
posted by Foosnark at 1:25 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
I also don't think driverless taxis (or driverless cars in general) are dumb in principle. I do think it's dumb for Tesla to announce in 2024 that they're going to have functional driverless taxis on the road in 2025, because they're not.
posted by Foosnark at 1:25 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
Musk is Ford 2.0, a maker of shitty cars who funds cults and fascists. The sooner he leaves Earth the better, I don't care if it's via a launch pad explosion, a rocket or Buda's Wagon.
posted by unearthed at 1:31 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
posted by unearthed at 1:31 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
If FSD was reliable and inexpensive, I would consider buying a car with FSD. I might even consider buying an EV when I can start driving again (and get a job that pays well enough).
But ...
even if it comes with beer and hookers, I will never ever knowingly buy a product from Tesla or a product created by Tesla or once on loan to ... you get the idea. Tesla is verbied.
And if I ever go into space, I will find a way to pay Richard Branson to get me there, instead of using a SpaceX booster (Branson might be an a-hole, but he's the least a-holey of the bunch, near as I can tell - YMMV).
(Or Branson is the one who will admit he's an a-hole and then ask "So what's your point?")
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 1:31 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
But ...
even if it comes with beer and hookers, I will never ever knowingly buy a product from Tesla or a product created by Tesla or once on loan to ... you get the idea. Tesla is verbied.
And if I ever go into space, I will find a way to pay Richard Branson to get me there, instead of using a SpaceX booster (Branson might be an a-hole, but he's the least a-holey of the bunch, near as I can tell - YMMV).
(Or Branson is the one who will admit he's an a-hole and then ask "So what's your point?")
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 1:31 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
I didn't buy FSD with my Model 3 6 years ago, and I have continued to not buy it every year since. Car's been great, and IMO hasn't really been surpassed, but others are probably about as great now that the superchargers are opening up. Coming up on 100k miles and the drivetrain warranty with it, and I'm pretty sure my next car won't be a Tesla.
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 1:34 PM on October 11
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 1:34 PM on October 11
I think Americans (and Canadians) would be shocked at the quality of the Chinese e-fleet, especially as compared to Tesla, and especially when approached as a value proposition. But we'll never get a pure value competition because of the enormous tariffs.
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:37 PM on October 11 [7 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:37 PM on October 11 [7 favorites]
One of the videos of the event shows a guy with a remote control in his hand. Everything he showed was mostly smoke and mirrors. And ugly.
posted by tommasz at 1:37 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 1:37 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
ruh-BO-vehn
posted by Horace Rumpole at 1:38 PM on October 11
posted by Horace Rumpole at 1:38 PM on October 11
I've been looking at Renault's new thing for short distances:
"Renault defibs Twingo into adorable digitized EV with sub-20K price"
https://newatlas.com/automotive/sub-20k-renault-twingo-ev/
posted by aleph at 1:40 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
"Renault defibs Twingo into adorable digitized EV with sub-20K price"
https://newatlas.com/automotive/sub-20k-renault-twingo-ev/
posted by aleph at 1:40 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
Model S' kick the crap out of the 3s in terms of good vehicles. It's the best car I have ever driven in terms of ease of use.
And the supercharging infrastructure is unmatched.
And autodrive is pretty solid. FSD?, wouldn't trust that for a second...
And wouldn't buy another one since Elno has showed what a trashfire he is, (bought both our S and 3 before he came out as a fascist asshole).
May his stock holdings continue to fall...
posted by Windopaene at 1:46 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
And the supercharging infrastructure is unmatched.
And autodrive is pretty solid. FSD?, wouldn't trust that for a second...
And wouldn't buy another one since Elno has showed what a trashfire he is, (bought both our S and 3 before he came out as a fascist asshole).
May his stock holdings continue to fall...
posted by Windopaene at 1:46 PM on October 11 [3 favorites]
Nice post title.
posted by biogeo at 1:48 PM on October 11 [2 favorites]
posted by biogeo at 1:48 PM on October 11 [2 favorites]
The pyrite gilt is a nice touch.
posted by senor biggles at 1:58 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
posted by senor biggles at 1:58 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
Model S' kick the crap out of the 3s in terms of good vehicles.
The Model S also remains the last Tesla vehicle that was not boring looking or actively hideous. My twitter has gone entirely dormant, and I will never voluntarily put a dime into Elon's pocket so long as I live. Apartheid Clyde delenda est.
posted by tclark at 2:40 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
The Model S also remains the last Tesla vehicle that was not boring looking or actively hideous. My twitter has gone entirely dormant, and I will never voluntarily put a dime into Elon's pocket so long as I live. Apartheid Clyde delenda est.
posted by tclark at 2:40 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
The pyrite gilt is a nice touch.
A nod to Trump and his favorite tacky color (I'm not joking).
posted by aramaic at 2:52 PM on October 11
A nod to Trump and his favorite tacky color (I'm not joking).
posted by aramaic at 2:52 PM on October 11
Why should he do or be better? All he has to do is say any stupid thing that comes into his head or crap out any product and either the fanboys go wild or people that hate him talk constantly about his shit on social media. It all feeds his colossal narcissism, which is clearly the entire point of the enterprise.
Stop talking about Elon.
posted by ryanshepard at 2:52 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
Stop talking about Elon.
posted by ryanshepard at 2:52 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
The other problem is that Chinese ev manufacturers are toasting western efforts right now, so unless something improves Tesla might be dead in a few years.
Unless somehow the US government decides to ban the import of Chinese EVs.
Musk is Ford 2.0, a maker of shitty cars who funds cults and fascists.
Ford was a fascist, but he made good cars. Or at least cars that were very good for their price point.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:53 PM on October 11 [2 favorites]
Unless somehow the US government decides to ban the import of Chinese EVs.
Musk is Ford 2.0, a maker of shitty cars who funds cults and fascists.
Ford was a fascist, but he made good cars. Or at least cars that were very good for their price point.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:53 PM on October 11 [2 favorites]
"...somehow the US government decides to ban the import of Chinese EVs. "
Well, parts of them anyway.
https://www.npr.org/2024/09/23/nx-s1-5122472/china-russia-car-parts
"U.S. proposes ban on Chinese auto parts so cars 'can't be used against us'"
posted by aleph at 3:15 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
Well, parts of them anyway.
https://www.npr.org/2024/09/23/nx-s1-5122472/china-russia-car-parts
"U.S. proposes ban on Chinese auto parts so cars 'can't be used against us'"
posted by aleph at 3:15 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
That ban is basically an extension of the larger ban on Chinese communication gear which...the government has good reason to treat as compromised.
What's keeping BYD out of the US currently is the 100% Son Of Chicken Tax tariffs. Which is why BYD is building plants in Mexico.
posted by NoxAeternum at 3:54 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
What's keeping BYD out of the US currently is the 100% Son Of Chicken Tax tariffs. Which is why BYD is building plants in Mexico.
posted by NoxAeternum at 3:54 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
I mean who designed his butt ugly Afrikaner Stingray?
He's been a US resident since 1992, when he was 21, and a citizen since 2002.
posted by ambrosen at 5:19 PM on October 11
He's been a US resident since 1992, when he was 21, and a citizen since 2002.
posted by ambrosen at 5:19 PM on October 11
He's been a US resident since 1992, when he was 21, and a citizen since 2002.
Which only serves to prove that while you can take the South African out of Afrikaner society, you can't take the Afrikaner out of the South African.
posted by NoxAeternum at 5:22 PM on October 11
Which only serves to prove that while you can take the South African out of Afrikaner society, you can't take the Afrikaner out of the South African.
posted by NoxAeternum at 5:22 PM on October 11
When will karma ever get this dude?
Twitter's market value is in the $12-13bn range, against a $44bn purchase price, if that's any help?
posted by biffa at 5:22 PM on October 11
Twitter's market value is in the $12-13bn range, against a $44bn purchase price, if that's any help?
posted by biffa at 5:22 PM on October 11
Something I'm continually astonished over is that there seems to be no line you can cross as a CEO when shilling your product that constitutes securities fraud. I don't comprehend how your CEO can, year after year, come out with the most outlandish claims about your products, claims that surely people inside the company know are completely infeasible, without breaking some kind of law.
Like, can I start up a pharmaceutical company and each year tell investors that I'm going to cure cancer "next year", and just keep doing that until I'm rich as long as I actually sell some kind of vaguely related product like Tylenol?
posted by Room 101 at 5:34 PM on October 11
Like, can I start up a pharmaceutical company and each year tell investors that I'm going to cure cancer "next year", and just keep doing that until I'm rich as long as I actually sell some kind of vaguely related product like Tylenol?
posted by Room 101 at 5:34 PM on October 11
If you're the CEO of Theranos or Volkswagen and forgot to grease the right palms and/or listen to your lawyers, maybe there's a line. If you're Musk and have the US military by the short hairs, maybe there's not.
posted by credulous at 5:39 PM on October 11
posted by credulous at 5:39 PM on October 11
"I don't comprehend how your CEO can, year after year, come out with the most outlandish claims about your products..."
As the Courts keep ruling, "Company puffery"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puffery
[snip]
The FTC stated in 1983 that puffery does not warrant enforcement action by the commission. In its FTC Policy Statement on Deception, the Commission stated: "The Commission generally will not pursue cases involving obviously exaggerated or puffing representations, i.e., those that the ordinary consumers do not take seriously."[6]
posted by aleph at 5:40 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
As the Courts keep ruling, "Company puffery"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puffery
[snip]
The FTC stated in 1983 that puffery does not warrant enforcement action by the commission. In its FTC Policy Statement on Deception, the Commission stated: "The Commission generally will not pursue cases involving obviously exaggerated or puffing representations, i.e., those that the ordinary consumers do not take seriously."[6]
posted by aleph at 5:40 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]
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City bus: $1/mile
Has anyone suggested Elon do the math here, given that buses already exist and can carry dozens of people while his prototype can carry 2?
Full self driving is "finally here" and it's still a prototype (and it will definitely work sometime in the next few years, oh yeah and it hasn't passed any regulatory approvals yet). Why is this asshole still in charge of anything? Why have shareholders not thrown his ass out yet?
You could not pay me to ride in one of his deathtraps
posted by caution live frogs at 11:03 AM on October 11 [20 favorites]