the original characters
The Technocrat Who Thinks Smart Glasses Will Replace Phones, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
Every day, somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on X from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
-- maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
This week, we've got a creepy old guy trying very hard to play the part, a musician who wants to revolutionize gig schedules, one of the UK's worst cultural exports and the man who ruined the internet for a generation.
Tuesday
Keith Olbermann
The character: Keith Olbermann, the original boyfriend, yet another creepy guy
The plot: The Olivia Nuzzi-RFK Jr. scandal took another sharp turn this week when Ryan Lizza, Nuzzi's ex-fiance, was accused of blackmailing by Nuzzi in a new complaint. In reaction to the news, sportscaster Keith Olbermann once again inserted himself into the discussion, because he used to date Nuzzi, and put his shoe in his mouth. He even posted a picture from their time together. Totally not creepy, dude.
You know what's interesting?
โ Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) October 1, 2024
To be the original boyfriend to whom she used to say 'every time I go to DC this creepy guy Lizza stalks me" ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธhttps://t.co/uPGJltNwGd
The repercussion: Olbermann is one of those guys who you pile on (there's no shortage of garbage takes) when you have time to kill. Every second is precious, so why waste it on this guy? Because the Nuzzi news still excites a handful of people, those very same did point out to Olbermann what a weirdo he was about the news.
โ Eoin Higgins (@EoinHiggins_) October 1, 2024
mr olbermann while i enjoyed you on sport center everything i have learned about your dating life has been against my will https://t.co/mMuHlLiuyB
โ in the pocket of Big Tenant (@AllezLesBoulez) October 1, 2024
https://t.co/cL4i3NSBDt pic.twitter.com/Zi3lwokceq
โ Fiona Small (@FionaSmall) October 1, 2024
keith you were 55 dating a 21 year old. maybe pipe down a bit champ https://t.co/ICckIxXwyO
โ molly taft (@mollytaft) October 1, 2024
Adwait Patil
Saturday
Josaleigh Pollett
The character: Josaleigh Pollett, musician, morning person, concerned morning entertainment patron
The plot: Pollett, a musician, posted a thought that we've all had. Why not make matinee gigs a real thing? "Church shouldn't get to corner the market on morning entertainment anymore," Polett wrote. The follow up had reasoning, Pollett, a morning person, was tired of falling asleep at gigs.
I am sick of being the sleepiest guy at every show because my body wants me to be alive at 6am every single day no matter what I do, so let's bring the shows into my territory. The morning. ๐
โ brosaleigh (@brosaleigh) September 28, 2024
The repercussion: Who knew gig twitter was so vocal about show times? Pollett had a fun time in the replies.
K now I don't like the idea anymore
โ brosaleigh (@brosaleigh) September 28, 2024
Acceptable. That's like a late show.
โ brosaleigh (@brosaleigh) September 29, 2024
No. Not background music while people do other shit. A morning concert.
โ brosaleigh (@brosaleigh) September 29, 2024
https://t.co/343dd3tsol pic.twitter.com/5zwZNlSIPV
โ ali golub ๐ผ (@alibrooke4ever) September 29, 2024
The Wiggles: https://t.co/k0MPa3svo9
โ Zach Harris (@PotCzach) September 29, 2024
https://t.co/bPeMg1Pqu0 pic.twitter.com/vwsnW3M5HB
โ shallow halliburton (@glassjas0n) September 29, 2024
Sunday
Russell Brand
The character: Russel Brand, alleged sexual predator, conspiracy-hawking right-wing loud mouth
The plot: Brand had pivoted hard into conspiracy content as his star waned โ especially during the pandemic. And since numerous sexual misconduct allegations hit the big time in 2023, he has lurched even further into the world of right-wing politics and now eyebrow-raising public displays of religiosity.
For some inexplicable reason, Brand saw fit to baptize another person in a body of water while only wearing underwear. Why? Nobody could begin to answer that. It's weird, and everyone knows it.
It might seem a bit soon to be baptizing people, but the Apostles did it on day one, so here we are. pic.twitter.com/oQ4y47Pplo
โ Russell Brand (@rustyrockets) September 27, 2024
The repercussion: Unsurprisingly, the internet isn't particularly buying the sincerity of this display. And even if this sudden religious shift was somehow genuine, that doesn't explain his choice to start baptizing folks in his skivvies.
oh you must of did something HEINOUS. I don't think I've seen anyone hit the Jesus pivot this hard https://t.co/vXWBMl2OOd
โ niles (@NILES100) September 28, 2024
is this the fucking far cry 5 movie https://t.co/O8BTpp250i
โ kenny (world's best ring bell) (@LoudVestMan) September 28, 2024
Getting baptized by Russell brand in tighty whiteys will send u to the deepest layer of hell https://t.co/VP8sOXa2yK
โ DRUID๐ต๐ธ (@IROBPROUDBOYS) September 28, 2024
The rapist to born again pipeline is so short. https://t.co/ZsoPqjpHTT
โ Coleman Francis Ford Coppola (@ScarinasVault) September 28, 2024
New season of The Righteous Gemstones looking good https://t.co/ang3yeqAnB
โ ๐ ๐ต๐ธ ๐ฑ๐ง Horror Movie Borealis ๐ฑ๐ง ๐ต๐ธ ๐ (@horroraborealis) September 28, 2024
I have questions but also I don't want to know the answers https://t.co/wagQfX50Qb pic.twitter.com/Pahc0Hy75E
โ Panda Khatun (@panda_gongjunim) September 28, 2024
๐จBREAKING
โ The Autumnal ๐ Yeoman WASP โ ๐ฒ (@TheYeomanWASP) September 29, 2024
Richard Baxter weighs in on Russell Brand's tighty whitey baptism. https://t.co/IYmp3Q4kCK pic.twitter.com/Svgn91ntdD
Oh to be the people on the boat passing by wondering what's going on! https://t.co/adBR703TJL pic.twitter.com/jivfLaPfPv
โ Ames, Always Up for Chaos ๐งถ๐ฉ๐ฆโ๏ธ (@JustAmyZing) September 28, 2024
Grant Brunner
Sunday
Mark Zuckerberg
The character: Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, cyber tryhard
The plot: In a video interview, a messy-haired Zuck posited that we'll be moving over primarily to the world of smart glasses as our primary computing interface in the 2030s. Never say never, but there's not much reason to buy into the hype right now.
Under Zuckerberg's tutelage, Meta (nรฉe Facebook) has set upwards of 45 billion dollars on fire in hopes of making the metaverse happen. While this project has seen mild success with niche VR gaming, it's been a miserable failure in every other capacity.
๐จ Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg predicts smart glasses will replace phones by 2030
โ Haider. (@slow_developer) September 29, 2024
" Smart glasses are going to become the next major computing platform.
They will gradually replace phones by 2030, much like mobile devices surpassed computers without fully replacing them " pic.twitter.com/81qrSndgCP
The repercussion:
Funnily enough, people online don't seem to be focused on his pie-in-the-sky smart glasses promises โ they're honed in on why he looks so different all of a sudden. It's pretty telling that nobody is buying what he's selling.
I hope by 2030 I can do a laser surgery for my eyesight not to wear glasses anymore ๐
โ Kris Shkodrani (@krisshkodrani) September 29, 2024
I actually don't like Zuck dressing like the kid in my high school who got arrested for selling coke, feels disingenuous and maybe stolen valor https://t.co/Z4b228L4hc
โ Daniel (@growing_daniel) October 1, 2024
does he have a black girlfriend https://t.co/zyul49MY8d
โ . (@frankoceanhive) September 30, 2024
with the amount of sweat i get on my normal glasses yeah no fucking way besides holding a phone feels so much better than fighting for my life on a screen in my face https://t.co/8KtkfpMBy6
โ dibbles แ( แ )แ (@deadbydibbles) October 1, 2024
https://t.co/jS2WaBIKIu pic.twitter.com/AmpETZTkxE
โ Elaine (@countryteasing) September 30, 2024
The reason for this push should be obvious; It's harder than ever to track you across the internet through your phone. So they want to sell you a device that they own and can collect everything right down to your eye balls. https://t.co/hzyTXkb9b2
โ Super Nicktendo ๐ฎ (@SNicktendo) September 30, 2024
I thought this was Yung Gravy https://t.co/eaPh6Pttkm
โ GEKโจ (@GekGemu) October 1, 2024
i promise you'll never catch me with glasses doing things that replace my phone. i don't care. you can all rot away. i'll be by the RIVER! with my DIGNITY! https://t.co/Teab2yjG3w
โ leola (@leolaonline) September 30, 2024
Grant Brunner
Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which featured Marques Brownlee's cash grab, a lively debate about Chappell Roan's politics, Sam Altman's revolutionary note-taking method and a Charli XCX fan who became the internet's enemy number one.