The following relationship "advice" is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only -- please do not cite us in divorce court.

Each week, we'll be rounding up the internet's most interesting relationship questions and chiming right in. From nightmare first dates to exploring new fetishes, we're leaving no corner of the internet unexplored.

I Feel Bad Punishing Mom Like This

I (35F) am engaged to my wonderful fiancé - Mark (38M). He's an incredible guy -- smart, funny, and treats me with so much love and respect. The only "problem" is that he's 5'4". I love his height, because that's a part of him, but my mom (60F) never lets me forget this. From the moment I started dating Mark, she's made it clear that she disapproves of him because of his height.

At first, I brushed it off, but her comments have only gotten worse over time. She regularly tells me I could do "better" and that I deserve someone "taller and more masculine." During one family gathering, she even asked me, "How do you feel about being the one who wears the pants in the relationship?" I was furious and embarrassed. We ended up fighting over it and we didn't talk for a week.

When Mark proposed, I hoped my mom would be excited and maybe even come around. I invited her over to celebrate, but instead of being happy for me, she spent the entire dinner making fun of Mark. She said things like, "Just make sure to buy a step stool for your wedding day!" It was beyond embarrassing, and I could see Mark getting sad and frustrated. She really ruined this wonderful day for him.

After that dinner, I knew I had to make a difficult decision. I want my wedding to be filled with love and joy, not my mom's negativity, and I don't want Mark to feel bad about himself on this day. So, I decided not to invite her.

Now, she's livid and claims I'm being unreasonable. She says I'm cutting off family over "a few height jokes" and that I'll regret not having my family at my wedding. Mark is happy with my choice too.

So, was I too harsh on my mom?

I'm a firm believer that small children don't belong at weddings... including the adults who act like one. She's in the right for icing her mom out, elders be damned, now she can sit at home and think about what she's done. Read the rest of the thread here.

How Do I Confront This Guy From The Past?

My (39M) wife (39F) has had this coworker (38M) that she's been friends with for years. Because of their relative positions at work, they became friends pretty soon after he started. Together, we started hanging out with him and his wife on a regular basis, and him and I grew close.

Fast forward a couple years, we've all had a couple kids and we moved a couple towns over, so we've grown distant, though him and my wife have stayed close, since they are still working together.

About a year ago, my wife went to a work function. She comes home and says that she has to tell me something, but I can't get mad. She proceeds to tell me that coworker got "blackout drunk" and when she gave him a ride home, he professed his love to her, tried to kiss her, and invited her to the office that he had a key to to have sex.

Up until recently, I didn't know about the last part. She had said that she was best friends with this guy and she hates to think that they would no longer be friends after this. So she asked me if I could pretend I didn't know about anything, and to be nice to the coworker.

Luckily, I've only seen him once since then, and it was brief. The issue is, since I just found out about the last part, it's fresh in my mind again. I don't think I can be friends or even cordial with him.

My wife just informed me that she's made plans with his family and our family to hang out tomorrow. I don't know what to do. I appreciate my wife being up front and honest with me, but I feel like if I try to say I don't want to see this guy ever again, she's going to be closed off and no longer open with me.

How do I tell her I don't want to hang out with that POS tomorrow without saying something to his wife, but still manage to keep our communication open and honest?

TLDR: A friend tried to make a move on my wife, and we are supposed to hang out with him tomorrow. How do I say I'm not without breaking our open communication?

With friends like that who needs any enemies? This man clearly cannot be trusted and there's no need pretending it's cool for the sake of a cookout. I can't believe she still wants to be friends with him, I don't care about their years of friendship and apparently nether did this dude. I just can't shake that these were his true intentions all along, even years in the making. Read the rest of the thread here.

My Husband's Mad People Confuse Me For A Dude

I would like to start this post out saying I'm neurodivergent so social rules don't come as easy to me, I try to learn them all the time. We've been married about 5 years. (31F & 32M). We just got in an argument about how he thinks it's disrespectful for me to "dress like a guy in public" and he said I embarrass him and people stare. I literally only wear jeans and t shirts. They're just regular boot cut Levi's, nothing weird about them. And most of my tshirts are band tees. Sometimes I wear a hat but most of the time I don't because he says I look bad in them. I don't wear makeup and have been occasionally called sir by people working in stores. I could literally care less, I'm just a person. So I'm really at a loss at what I'm doing wrong. I'm a strong believer in body autonomy and it would feel wrong to dress up just because someone else wanted me to. Is that disrespectful? Do most people in relationships dress how their partners want them to? TLDR- is it disrespectful to wear stuff my husband doesn't like in public?

Edit: I do dress up for stuff like holidays and dates. And yes I've pretty much dressed the same way the whole time we've been married.

Is he afraid people think will think they're a gay couple? He needs to learn to celebrate his wife instead of being this manic. She deserves better. Read the rest of the thread here.

Read last week's edition here.

[Image: Sacha Moreau]