The following relationship "advice" is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only -- please do not cite us in divorce court.

Each week, we'll be rounding up the internet's most interesting relationship questions and chiming right in. From nightmare first dates to exploring new fetishes, we're leaving no corner of the internet unexplored.

My Husband Finally Showed Me His Ugly Side

My husband is gorgeous -- everybody says so. I consider myself pretty but unremarkable. My features aren't exactly supermodel material, but I do the best I can with what God gave me. I have nice skin thanks to skincare, a decent body thanks to the gym, and so on. But compared to my husband, I might as well be a troll.

Even my own mom thought my husband must be gay or hiding something sketchy because of how much more attractive he is than me. It's the first thing people notice when we're out.

I've had women flirt with him right in front of me and two girls I know even tried to get with him behind my back. Sometimes, I question why he's with me.

I'm insecure about it, but my husband has always said he loves me, thinks I'm beautiful, and that I shouldn't listen to what others say.

Yesterday, everything changed. I ran into an old boyfriend from college. We parted on good terms, and it turns out he's doing well in his career. I'm looking to change jobs, and I'm pretty good at what I do, so we exchanged LinkedIn profiles. There was nothing inappropriate about the conversation, and I would have been fine if my husband had overheard it.

The moment I got home, my husband started an argument. He said he read through my LinkedIn message and insisted my ex was flirting with me. I told him he wasn't. My husband then mocked my ex's looks with some of the cruelest things I've ever heard him say.

I told him to stop and said we could talk once he calmed down. He replied that if that guy became my coworker and I cheated on him, it wouldn't matter--then he scoffed and added, "You're not attractive enough to cheat on me, not enough to keep me." I was speechless.

He slammed the door to our bedroom and locked me out for the night. I slept on the sofa and woke up tucked into bed. I vaguely remember him waking me up. Today, he was incredibly sweet and kissed me goodbye before heading to work.

I can still recall everything that happened, but it feels like my memory is outside of my body. I've never heard him say anything like that before.

I feel so upset and uncomfortable. What do I say to him? How do I ask what he was thinking, what made him say those things, and whether he really meant them?

This is my fan theory, she's more attractive than she lets on and could get better at recognizing the flirting coming her way. What he said wasn't right and he was clearly threatened, so he decided to go below the belt. Yes, she's reconnecting with an old friend who's rich now, all while she's more attractive than ever, but he needs to learn to express his concerns better, and apologize. Read the rest of the thread here.

My Husband Used My Pet Name On The Other Woman

My husband has been doing everything right since he cheated on me six months ago. Today, I found out something that might not qualify as trickle truth to others, but it felt like trickle truth to me.

He called her "teddy bear." It's a term of endearment only my husband and I shared. He never called his exes that, and neither did I. It was our thing. It was sacred, and it meant a lot to me. We would act cute around each other, and it was a way for me to feel like he adored me in a special way he hadn't felt for anyone else.

This has ruined a fantasy I had--though I'm not even sure if fantasy is the right word to describe this feeling. Ugh. Why did he have to use the word he uses for me?

Did he not think of me when he thought of that term of endearment? When I think of "teddy bear," I think of my husband. I thought I was special.

How do I get over this?

This term felt so intimate to our relationship. It feels like a devastating personal loss. Being a "teddy bear" was so exclusive to us, and now it feels polluted.

I don't think a new nickname would help either. She needs to communicate how the cheating still hurts her, so much so that even a small reminder like this name feels like a fresh wound, even after things have appeared to go back to normal. Read the rest of the thread here.

A Friend's Comment Just Ended My Two Year Relationship

I (26F) have been with my now-ex-boyfriend, "Eric" (28M), for two years. Overall, we've had a good relationship--nothing crazy--until last night, when things completely fell apart.

We were out at a bar with some of his friends, just having a normal night: drinks, food, the usual. Eric and his friend "Mark" (28M) were joking around, and Eric made a comment about how much Mark was eating. He said something like, "Careful, Mark, you'll eat the whole damn bar." It seemed harmless at first--just typical guy humor.

But then Mark looked right at me and said, "If only she knew."

It was one of those moments when you instantly feel uncomfortable, like something's going on behind your back. I had no idea what Mark was talking about, and the vibe at the table shifted. Before I could even react, Eric exploded. He went off on Mark, screaming at him to shut up and even tried to get physical. His other friends had to hold him back. Mark didn't really react, which only made Eric angrier. The whole thing was awkward as hell, and we ended up leaving early.

When we got back to my place, I couldn't stop thinking about that comment. So I asked Eric, "What the hell did Mark mean by 'If only she knew'? What don't I know?"

Instead of answering me, Eric lost it again. He started yelling at me, telling me to drop it and stop being "paranoid." He dodged every question, getting more pissed every time I brought it up. I wasn't trying to pick a fight; I just wanted to know what was going on. It felt like something important was being hidden from me, and I wasn't about to let it slide. But every time I asked, he got more defensive and angry.

Finally, he stormed out of my apartment. Since he doesn't live with me, I locked the door and called it a night. I didn't hear from him until this morning, and when I did, it was just more angry texts telling me to "drop it" and leave him alone.

At that point, I was done. I'm not going to sit around and be treated like I'm crazy for asking a simple question. I texted him, saying we're done, I need space, and if he can't be honest with me, I don't want any part of this relationship. End of story.

Here's where it gets worse. He's been going around to our mutual friends, telling them I "left him for no reason" and making it seem like I overreacted. Some of them even reached out to me, saying I should have just let it go and that I'm blowing things out of proportion.

I told them to mind their own business. I don't care what they think--none of them were there, none of them saw how he acted, and none of them have to live with the pit in their stomach I've had since that weird comment from Mark. I'm not about to stay in a relationship where I feel like something shady is going on behind my back. If Eric can't be straight with me after two years together, what's the point?

So, Reddit, AITA for leaving him over this?

If this is what they're having after two years of dating, I don't think they're losing much. Both of them sound rather insufferable. I just can't imagine throwing away two years because you don't have the communication skills to avoid falling out over a snarky comment. He probably cheated though, so she shouldn't feel bad, they're far from having the need to talk things out now and probably don't even have the communication skills. Read the rest of the thread here.

Read last week's edition here.

Image credit: Photo by Heber Vazquez