There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.

What Should I Do After My Wife Demanded I Buy Her A $30,000 New Car In Exchange For Getting Pregnant?

My wife and I are in our mid thirties, we recently managed to purchase a house, and “Fiona” is ready to have a child. It’s something we’ve both wanted for a while, but we were never really in a position to do before.

Well, we were going over plans, kind of knowing they wouldn’t be enough once the reality of a baby hits, but still trying to get at least a little headway before we start trying in earnest. And Fiona added in something I hadn’t thought of: a ‘push present’. I had never heard of such a thing, but apparently it’s reasonably common to get your wife a present at or around the birth as a kind of thank you for all the difficulty and strain. Fair enough. I asked what sort of gift she wanted and she named a number of cars, which she wanted for personal use only, not a shared vehicle like we have now.

These were brand new, roughly $30,000 vehicles she was listing. If we super-stretch, and have basically no backup in case of an emergency or anyone losing their job, we can just about manage it. But it is way too expensive to be prudent, especially when this will be coinciding with a baby which will almost certainly mean all sorts of unexpected expenses. I’m willing to get her something, but not in that price range. I told her that, and it sparked a huge fight with her saying how she’s contributing 9 months of her life and putting her health at significant risk and that’s what she deserves.

Now I’m not sure we should have a baby. I’m not even sure if this is a deal-breaker or not. And Fiona is taking my hesitation as ‘proof’ that I don’t really regard her or what she’d be going through with a pregnancy. I’m not sure what to do at this point and could really use some help.

[Slate]

Hillary Frey advises the letter writer to discuss whether they and Fiona need a new car separately from the “push present” conversation. “[A]n extravagant present won’t actually allay her anxiety, and you’re on the right track asking if the car is a deal breaker,” she writes. “You may want to put all of this — and Fiona — in the rearview mirror.” Read the rest of her answer.

What Should I Do After Colleagues Pressured Me To Drink Alcohol At A Conference To Prove I Wasn’t Pregnant?

I attended a work conference overnight this weekend with almost all of my colleagues. We’re attorneys at a pretty large “small” law firm.

At the end of the conference day, we all had dinner together. My close colleague, Jenna, and I arrived to dinner before the rest of our colleagues. I ordered a mocktail.

During dinner, another colleague pulled an “I’ll have what she’s having” and ordered my drink. I did not notice this. When it arrived without alcohol, she was apparently surprised. This led, for reasons I can’t fathom, to my colleagues (all around my age, almost all women, all also associates) apparently deciding I must be pregnant. My colleagues were all VERY drunk.

When we left dinner, one of the colleagues, Sara, asked me outright if this was true. I asked her why she would think that and explained that I wasn’t drinking because I was going to a big party tomorrow, and drinking two nights in a row is just too much for me.

Another colleague, Rose, cornered me and said that she heard I was pregnant. … I told her that if I have something to announce, she’d hear about it. …

Rose proceeded to remind me that if our boss found out by way of gossip, he would be livid. Great.

Rose and another associate, Amanda, then offered to get a round of drinks. Knowing I was under so much scrutiny, I asked them to get me a glass of sparkling wine. Rose returned with the wine, announced to the group that now I could “prove” I wasn’t pregnant, and proceeded to watch me drink with Amanda. I drank about half the glass, before saying I was heading to bed since it was after 11 pm.

I came late to the next morning’s first panel. Jenna told me that the group was still speculating, said I didn’t drink enough (!), and must indeed be pregnant. …

Here’s the thing. I AM pregnant. It is still early, I’m not ready to share, and even my own family doesn’t know yet! …

We don’t have HR. I have no idea what to do. Confront each of these colleagues individually for the incredibly inappropriate behavior? Announce early to head off gossip? I can think of one partner at the firm I trust enough to speak with about this. What in the world do I do?

[Ask A Manager]

Alison Green rules that the letter writer’s colleagues behaved very inappropriately. “I hate that you felt like you had to order a drink just to make them stop hassling you,” she writes. “If you could go back and do it over, I’d say to tell them that they were out of line, that there are a zillion reasons someone might not be drinking, and that the topic had become tiresome and so you were heading out.” Read the rest of her answer.

Was I Wrong To Be Annoyed When A Guy From A Dating App Surprised Me By Coming To My Town During My Busy Period At Work?

I recently met a man on a dating app. We hit it off quickly. We were texting all of the time about work, writing, and the world — often getting pretty flirty. I was having tons of fun. He was charming and seemed to me conspicuously brilliant. I ignored the name-dropping. I did make it clear on more than one occasion, though, that I wasn’t ready to meet him in person yet since he lives several states away, and is over a decade my senior. I wanted to be more sure. Then, I entered the most intense 10 days of my year (I have a very seasonal day job). I stopped talking to him as much because I couldn’t keep it up with everything on my plate and I made that clear to him. I wasn’t ignoring him to play games, I just had eight to 10 hours of Zooms a day for this limited period, which would get progressively more intense until it was over. I thought he got it.

Instead, he got in his car and drove roughly 500 miles down the coast to “surprise” me in my hometown. Keep in mind: We had never met in person. He showed up uninvited, and completely unannounced. He just started texting me photos of the town and said it was time to meet. He was here for me. I did not respond to his grand gesture well at all — I was exhausted, stressed, unkempt, and not at all prepared for this drop-in. It struck me as aggressive and a huge imposition. I refused to meet him. He acted with astonishment and simmering outrage. He insisted that he was being so romantic; had just given me a gift, like an emerald; and couldn’t fathom how I was refusing to spare even a few minutes to meet him when he’d undertaken a 1,000-plus mile trip to see me.

I made it clear to him that the lack of five minutes wasn’t the issue. I tried to explain very clearly, and at some length, why this grand gesture didn’t work for me. He did not acknowledge that he understood a word I said and just kept repeating how romantic he was and how baffling my response to him was given the transparent blessing he’d bestowed upon me. At least one friend acted similarly astonished that I didn’t respond well to such a romantic gesture from such an interesting dude. The rest understand me better, I guess. Was my reaction here unreasonable/uncalled for/ungrateful? How do I handle this?

[Slate]

Leigh Bardugo validates the letter writer’s feelings. “His ‘astonishment’ is disingenuous — you were very clear about what you wanted and needed. He just chose to disregard your desires,” she writes. “His ‘simmering outrage’ is a warning that this is what you will have to look forward to in this relationship if you don’t slip the leash now.” Read the rest of her answer.

Was It Proper For My Neighbor To Refuse To Give Halloween Candy To Children Who Don’t Live In Our Neighborhood?

My neighbor and I had a heated disagreement about trick-or-treating.

We are fortunate to live in a picturesque neighborhood of single-family houses, and our street is popular every Oct. 31. We often get trick-or-treaters from other areas.

Although I like having lots of kids to give treats to, my neighbor says this year, she is refusing to give candy to any “outsiders.” She says these children and their parents are “mooching.”

She actually hopes to get the neighborhood association to ban outsiders that night. At the very least, she will ask each child’s parents to prove they live in the neighborhood.

I think this is ludicrous and against the whole spirit of the carefree holiday. She says she is just correcting poor upbringing. Is she?

[UExpress]

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, the writers behind the Miss Manners persona, quip that the letter writer’s neighbor is demonstrating poor upbringing, not correcting it. “Miss Manners is guessing that these children are in your neighborhood because it is safer than theirs — in terms of foot traffic, at least,” they write. “But apparently not in terms of kindness.” Read the rest of their answer.

Was I Wrong To text My Entire Family That I Didn’t Think My Cousin’s Son Should Bring His Baby To A Memorial For My Late Brother?

I am a childless 70-year-old man. Every year around the anniversary of my brother's death, some relatives get together and travel to his hometown to celebrate him. We have a remembrance at the cemetery and go to Mass together on Sunday. We also go out for meals and drinks. There are three generations involved now, the youngest of the kids being 10.

This year, my cousin's son and his wife had a baby. We're all happy for them. A couple of days ago, I sent a group text on our family thread saying I didn't think it was a good idea to take an infant on this trip. I explained that I felt it would distract from the purpose of the get-together. Well, my cousin is offended and won't tell me why. I carefully worded my message so I didn't say anything negative. Was I wrong?

[UExpress]

Abigail Van Buren writes that she understands why the text message upset the letter writer’s cousin. “When you posted your message on the family thread, did you expect your cousin's son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their baby?” she writes. “Their baby is part of the family and may be too young to be without their mother.” Read the rest of her answer.

How Should I Tell My Adult Son That He Ought To Be Consuming Marijuana Via Edibles, Not Smoking It?

My adult son “Richard” just got his own apartment, and I was helping him move in. It went pretty well, despite some complaining knees from all the box-hauling. But there was one problem, an inadvertent discovery as I was helping him get stuff unpacked. One of the boxes, which he asked me to unpack in his bedroom, contained a gravity bong and some rolling paper. I didn’t find any marijuana with it, but I’ve been around the block long enough to know what this stuff is for.

This goes against everything I’ve taught my son over the years. As I’ve told him more than once, if you’re going to consume cannabis, edibles are the much better option. None of the inevitable lung damage from inhaling smoke, and the high is smoother and longer-lasting. Take an edible and you can still manage to get off your couch and move around the house and care for yourself, unlike an inhalation high. And edibles give you a long, even period to just relax and enjoy feeling yourself. I’ve tried to explain this; I’ve demonstrated with my own THC consumption. But he’s still smoking. I haven’t confronted my son about it, although I know I’ll have to do so soon, and I’m not sure what to say. Can you help me find the right words?

[Slate]

Dan Kois urges the letter writer to relax about the way Richard chooses to consume weed. “Your particular experience may not at all represent his — or, indeed, anyone else’s — experience with weed,” he writes. “Different bodies respond differently to drugs; he might find that edible highs don’t work for him the way they work for you.” Read the rest of his answer.

Read last week's column here.