Matt Gaetz. Seems like an honest guy.
posted by whatevernot at 2:42 PM on November 13 [6 favorites]

🤮
posted by lalochezia at 2:43 PM on November 13 [7 favorites]

It's like roll call at the Hall of Doom
posted by Dr. Twist at 2:46 PM on November 13

I don’t even have the heart for jokes about it all.
posted by heyitsgogi at 2:49 PM on November 13 [30 favorites]

The last time we did this, I heard someone on NPR characterize his cabinet appointments as being like the Star Wars cantina crowd. That tracks even more for this round (although where is Steve Bannon? I'm scared to look)
posted by knotty knots at 2:51 PM on November 13 [3 favorites]

I literally hate this.
posted by alex_skazat at 2:54 PM on November 13 [10 favorites]

This joke could do with the updates. Thanks.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 2:55 PM on November 13 [4 favorites]

The problem is, these people are all intensely stupid. Even when they’re technically smart, they’re so belligerent and dogmatic they end up being useless.
posted by The River Ivel at 2:56 PM on November 13 [7 favorites]

I heard they were floating Hannibal Lecter for Sec HHS. And a shark with a boat battery on its head for Energy.

Don't forget, they plan to sell off the National Weather Service, end birthright citizenship and revoke on a whim the tax-exempt status of any non-profit (hello MeFi) they deem a 'terrorist organization'.
posted by zaixfeep at 2:56 PM on November 13 [7 favorites]

The River Ivel that's not a problem that's a silver lining.
posted by sotonohito at 2:58 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

In a sane world Kristi Noem would be cowering in a gravel pit.
posted by mygothlaundry at 2:58 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

Pete Hegseth convinced Trump 1.0 to pardon soldiers guilty of war crimes for shooting unarmed Iraqis. Trump evidently needs someone who would not hesitate to, say, carpet bomb Mexican cities.

Kristie Noems puppy murder experience will come in handy when she oversees torture and execution of political prisoners.
posted by CynicalKnight at 2:59 PM on November 13 [5 favorites]

It's like the 2025 edition of Cards Against Humanity: Celebrity Edition.
posted by y2karl at 3:04 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

The problem is, these people are all intensely stupid. Even when they’re technically smart, they’re so belligerent and dogmatic they end up being useless.

I think we define “problem” differently.
posted by leotrotsky at 3:04 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

This hasn't even reached peak ridiculous yet. I suspect there's crazier shit to come. Like Don Jr. or Vince McMahon.
posted by tclark at 3:04 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]

Maybe RFKJ can co-co-chair the DOGE to improve efficiency even more.

Edit: Sigh. Alas, the jokes bring no comfort, the snark no joy. I feel as empty as a condom on the moon.
posted by swift at 3:05 PM on November 13 [6 favorites]

RFKJ will be busy solving the vaccine problem.
posted by sammyo at 3:07 PM on November 13

When I saw this, what popped into my head was "Gary Hart and John Edwards' political careers were effectively ended when their affairs became public. Howard Dean saw his political ambitions end because he yelled loudly in excitement one time."

Meanwhile, we have a talking head taking charge of the military, a person who is clearly and obvious connected to India's Modi taking over national intelligence, a man under investigation for statutory rape and child trafficking is going to be the Attorney General, and Trump is inventing an entirely new arm of government to assist a capering, racist ketamine addict in a massive pump and dump scheme for the bullshit bitcoin variant he owns a very large percent of.

I'm sure the witch in the gingerbread house was under consideration for a child welfare post, but that only fell through when people had to convince Trump that she wasn't real.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:09 PM on November 13 [21 favorites]

Odds on Mike Lindell being named Sec'y Commerce?
posted by zaixfeep at 3:19 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

Thank goodness Congress rejected the non-profit be-gone wand. Well, this Congress. Next year though…
posted by funkaspuck at 3:22 PM on November 13 [3 favorites]

When I saw this, what popped into my head was "Gary Hart and John Edwards' political careers were effectively ended when their affairs became public. Howard Dean saw his political ambitions end because he yelled loudly in excitement one time."

As many voters responded, Trump is not a politician, he's authentic and resolute. Just like the plague.
posted by zaixfeep at 3:22 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

I’m somewhat heartened by the fact that at least half of these people have repeatedly demonstrated complete lack of moral compass and having a commensurate degree of loyalty to their peers won’t hesitate to shiv any one of them at the first sign of trouble.
posted by jerome powell buys his sweatbands in bulk only at 3:31 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]

I hope the cabinet picks result in a “we call it the three stooges syndrome” where all their attempts to do something terrible are foiled by some else’s attempt to do something terrible.
posted by roguewraith at 3:35 PM on November 13 [3 favorites]

A Whitman’s sampler of evil, with love from Donnie to Vladdie.
posted by non canadian guy at 3:38 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]

Fingers crossed that the Dems still in the Senate grow a spine and learn to wield the filibuster as mercilessly as McConnell and company did.
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 3:39 PM on November 13

Attorney General Matt Gaetz

Maybe if the current administration had, I don't know, actually prosecuted him for all the sex trafficking he did, this would not be happening.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:39 PM on November 13 [13 favorites]

I want a GIF of Putin and Xi holding beers, congratulating one another. “Smooth sailing from here on in my friend!”
posted by jerome powell buys his sweatbands in bulk only at 3:42 PM on November 13

Last year, I was passed over for promotion in favor of a highly confident, grossly underqualified colleague who was great at telling other confidently-uninformed people whatever they wanted to hear.

She lasted 8 months as our boss, and it was an absolutely dazzling Jekyll-and-Hyde theme park adventure, as her ineptitude gradually revealed itself and her inevitable narcissistic collapse set in.

I bring this up because reading this list is a bit like rewatching those eight months through a kaleidoscope. On a boomerang loop. While high.

I have to wonder who will fall out first, and what kind of second-string buffoons will be available to replace them.

Good luck, everybody (else, I mean).
posted by armeowda at 3:45 PM on November 13 [7 favorites]

I wonder how many of them will outlast a lettuce-on-a-webcam?
posted by jjderooy at 3:46 PM on November 13 [4 favorites]

A Whitman’s sampler of evil, with love from Donnie to Vladdie.
posted by non canadian guy
"Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know which way you're gonna get sick, puke your guts out, poop your guts out, or just straight-up die when you eat one."
posted by zaixfeep at 3:46 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

It's all horrible, as will be the consequences, and I know the incompetence won't save us, but good god damn.
posted by mollweide at 3:48 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]

If you’d asked me, what’s the most obscene, over-the-top mockery you could make of our system of government (beyond reelecting Trump President) I think it would be nominating Matt Gaetz for Attorney General.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 3:49 PM on November 13 [7 favorites]

The Fox-News-host-to-leader-of-the-US-military pipeline.
posted by mbrubeck at 3:56 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]

Attorney General January 6th Viking Guy would probably be the funniest (assuming he shows up to the confirmation hearings in costume).
posted by nobody at 3:57 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

Here I was afraid he would pick the Federalist Society recommended people who would be frighteningly effective. Instead, it's a clown car of people who have no idea what they're doing, and instead will effect terror.
posted by mrgoat at 3:57 PM on November 13 [10 favorites]

Mediaite is reporting that after inauguration, Trump plans to forcibly adjourn Congress and install all his picks via recess appointment.
posted by zaixfeep at 3:57 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]

"Nothing is true, everything is permitted," indeed. I wish William Burroughs and Robert Anton Wilson were here to see this, but I'm sure they'd be quite glad they're not, lol.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:59 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

It culminates with NESTOR being made Chair of the Federal Reserve.
posted by meehawl at 3:59 PM on November 13

Man, the swamp is seriously gonna need draining in 2028.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:00 PM on November 13

Assuming we even get the chance, that is.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:02 PM on November 13

Article II, Section 2, Clause 3 of the Constitution stipulates:

The President shall have Power to fill up all Vacancies that may happen during the Recess of the Senate, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their next Session.

Until this very moment, I thought that the appointments ended when the Senate came back into session rather than at the end of the next one. So yeah... they'll all just get re-appointed at the end of each senate session & much like the silent filibuster, this will become the new norm.

And it gets worse -- because these goons are going to be constantly under threat of not being re-appointed, nothing less than full-throated (gross) fealty will be tolerated.

I'm running out of phrases similar to "buckle up" and it's only a week since the election.
posted by turbowombat at 4:08 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

Mediaite is reporting that after inauguration, Trump plans to forcibly adjourn Congress and install all his picks via recess appointment.

If this happens I am going to be even more mad that Biden waited 9 months to even nominate his FCC leadership and didn’t get a commissioner pick confirmed until another two years after that, with most of his term already gone.
posted by mbrubeck at 4:09 PM on November 13 [4 favorites]

Don't be mad at Biden, Harris, et al. Be angry at the wealthy (D) donors who whispered 'Hey Joe, do whatever the voters want, unless it harms my bank account.' You know, like the guy who said he was all for Harris as long as she would agree to fire Lina Khan by Jan 21. They made the pols seem two-faced and they are the problem.

One person one decibel one vote, not one vote / one decibel per dollar.
posted by zaixfeep at 4:18 PM on November 13

I can be mad at multiple people at once!
posted by rhymedirective at 4:22 PM on November 13 [5 favorites]

Yes let's blame anyone except the American people who actually voted for this knowing exactly what they'd get.
posted by biogeo at 4:22 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]

Blaming the American people isn’t exactly the start of a winning strategy
posted by dis_integration at 4:24 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]

Trump plans to forcibly adjourn Congress and install all his picks via recess appointment.

Critics won't believe this one weird trick to avoid confirmation!
posted by mrgoat at 4:25 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]

Time to go back to expanding your vocabulary for horrible reasons (remember autogolpe?) Today's word is Kakistocracy: a government run by the worst, least qualified, or most unscrupulous citizens.

Wikipedia says this had been used in reference to the 1st Drumpf administration, but I missed it that time round. And it's clear already that version 2.0 is going to be much worse.
posted by microscone at 4:25 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]

Trump plans to forcibly adjourn Congress and install all his picks via recess appointment.

What’s the mechanism to force congress to adjourn? (I mean a legal one).
posted by WaterAndPixels at 4:28 PM on November 13

"Are you shittin' me?"

--Rep. Mike Sampson (R-ID), re Gaetz as AG
posted by box at 4:28 PM on November 13

What’s the mechanism to force congress to adjourn? (I mean a legal one).

Article II section 3 of the constitution.

"He shall from time to time give to the Congress information of the state of the union, and recommend to their consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient; he may, on extraordinary occasions, convene both Houses, or either of them, and in case of disagreement between them, with respect to the time of adjournment, he may adjourn them to such time as he shall think proper; he shall receive ambassadors and other public ministers; he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed, and shall commission all the officers of the United States."
posted by mrgoat at 4:30 PM on November 13

Mediaite article with description of mechanism. Article II and Speaker Johnson would have to cooperate.

Edit: Gaetz has reportedly resigned from Congress, effective immediately.
posted by zaixfeep at 4:30 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]

It's bad, but the way I am dealing with this is by not really giving a shit. It'll get my heartrate up, I'll start to doomscroll and catastrophize, and it's simply not good for my health. I think now is actually the worst time for this, when Trump hasn't even taken office so we can't even ground ourselves by criticising his actions--we can only imagine how bad it will get.

The Republicans have won. We need to fight, sure, but we also need to take care of ourselves. That's selfish, yes I suppse, but I'm not sure what I can do in my little corner over here...I've been an American leftist for the last 30 years, and all I see is leftist voices shut out every. goddamn. time. Of course by Republicans but also from Democrats. And it's exhausting and dispiriting, not gonna lie.

Anyway, I'm paying attention, but I've put a kind of plexiglass barrier in front of Donald Trump and all his shit. It'll help me going forward.
posted by zardoz at 4:31 PM on November 13 [5 favorites]

It's the scene in Blazing Saddles where Hedley Lamarr is signing up a queue of bandits, rustlers, thugs...
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:43 PM on November 13

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