Holiday cheer
December 22, 2024 8:09 AM Subscribe
Great Philosophers on Santa’s Naughty and Nice Lists by Amanda Lehr. slMcSweeney's
Diogenes: Pluck the fattest chicken you can find, paint it red, glue cotton balls to its chin, and say, “Behold: Santa!”
Thomas Hobbes: In the absence of the Elf on the Shelf, children are by nature naughty, brutish, and short.
Friedrich Nietzsche: Whoever battles Naughtiness should see to it that in the process he does not become Naughty himself.
Hannah Arendt: The glazed, placid eyes of the Elf on the Shelf reflect the banality of your Naughtiness. Carl Schmitt didn’t think he was Naughty either.
Plus a Very Special Guest Great Philosopher to close out the list.
Diogenes: Pluck the fattest chicken you can find, paint it red, glue cotton balls to its chin, and say, “Behold: Santa!”
Thomas Hobbes: In the absence of the Elf on the Shelf, children are by nature naughty, brutish, and short.
Friedrich Nietzsche: Whoever battles Naughtiness should see to it that in the process he does not become Naughty himself.
Hannah Arendt: The glazed, placid eyes of the Elf on the Shelf reflect the banality of your Naughtiness. Carl Schmitt didn’t think he was Naughty either.
Plus a Very Special Guest Great Philosopher to close out the list.
almost all of these are spot on but the plato one made me mad. plato would say everyone is naughty except the form of nice, which cannot be grasped by mere mortals in this life. what they’ve got is aristotle, not plato
posted by dis_integration at 8:33 AM on December 22 [3 favorites]
posted by dis_integration at 8:33 AM on December 22 [3 favorites]
John Calvin gave me cold chills. I don't even own an Elf on the Shelf, but the knowledge that some bastridge loosed it upon the world is enough to make me wish I had no knowledge of it whatsoever.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 8:42 AM on December 22 [1 favorite]
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 8:42 AM on December 22 [1 favorite]
I think Plato was just a set-up for Diogenes. I think Aristotle was ok. Very big on teleology, everything is for the sake of some end. The function of man is reason, etc.
posted by Schmucko at 9:11 AM on December 22
posted by Schmucko at 9:11 AM on December 22
Bakunin: If Santa did exist, it would be necessary to abolish him.
Marx: The struggle against Naughtiness is, therefore, indirectly the struggle against that world whose spiritual aroma is Naughtiness.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:56 AM on December 22
Marx: The struggle against Naughtiness is, therefore, indirectly the struggle against that world whose spiritual aroma is Naughtiness.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:56 AM on December 22
Thomas Hobbes cracked me up! And reminded me of this recent SMBC.
posted by TedW at 9:56 AM on December 22
posted by TedW at 9:56 AM on December 22
metafilter: Plato was just a set-up for Diogenes
posted by HearHere at 10:38 AM on December 22 [2 favorites]
posted by HearHere at 10:38 AM on December 22 [2 favorites]
Socrates: I drank ... eggnog? Mmmm, that was *dead*
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 11:52 AM on December 22
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 11:52 AM on December 22
some old copypasta
He's making a list
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is in contravention of Article 4 of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679
posted by lalochezia at 12:09 PM on December 22 [3 favorites]
He's making a list
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is in contravention of Article 4 of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679
posted by lalochezia at 12:09 PM on December 22 [3 favorites]
Diognes would never play Santa though I could see him hucking coal at passers-by.
posted by clavdivs at 1:17 PM on December 22 [1 favorite]
posted by clavdivs at 1:17 PM on December 22 [1 favorite]
Kant: Make the maxim of your action is that which would be willed by a universal Claus.
Alternatively: So be Good for Goodness Sake.
posted by leotrotsky at 1:21 PM on December 22 [4 favorites]
Alternatively: So be Good for Goodness Sake.
posted by leotrotsky at 1:21 PM on December 22 [4 favorites]
Parmenides: Santa does not move.
Heraclitus: presents are beneficial for the Nice; coal is beneficial to the Naughty.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:07 PM on December 22
Heraclitus: presents are beneficial for the Nice; coal is beneficial to the Naughty.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:07 PM on December 22
They also got Luther pretty wrong. While brushing your teeth won’t help you; presents come not from your faith, but by the Grace of Santa.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:09 PM on December 22
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:09 PM on December 22
Charles Dickens: Santa is the ghost of future presents.
posted by storybored at 4:25 PM on December 22 [1 favorite]
posted by storybored at 4:25 PM on December 22 [1 favorite]
Wittgenstein: “Naughty” and “nice” would be better thought of in terms of the Christmas language game. If a lion could talk, we would still not know if he was naughty or nice.
posted by wittgenstein at 4:30 PM on December 22 [1 favorite]
posted by wittgenstein at 4:30 PM on December 22 [1 favorite]
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posted by Lemkin at 8:11 AM on December 22 [1 favorite]