The following relationship "advice" is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only -- please do not cite us in divorce court.

Each week, we'll be rounding up the internet's most interesting relationship questions and chiming right in. From nightmare first dates to exploring new fetishes, we're leaving no corner of the internet unexplored.

I Think I Lost My Girlfriend To A Musician

^{Image credit: Alina Rossoshanska]}

I [24M] and my girlfriend [23F, Anne] began dating in college.

Last week, Anne invited me to her co-worker Joe's party. I had heard a lot about him before, and they seemed to have a lot in common, especially with their taste in music. Apparently, he was an amateur musician with a fairly successful YouTube channel. Joe initially invited only Anne, but when she asked if I could tag along, he said it was fine.

The party was on Saturday evening, with about 30 people at a restaurant Joe had rented out. Towards the end, I wandered into a small group where Anne, Joe, and a few others were chatting. Right away, I felt like nobody really wanted me there, especially Anne. Thinking I might be imagining it, I stuck around and listened to Joe boast about himself. After a while, I decided to get a drink and chat with some other people.

Later, when it was time to leave, I went to find Anne. Joe came up to me and said he was having an afterparty at his house. I was about to decline, but then he added, "Sorry man, but only Anne is invited," while clapping me on the shoulder. I told him not to touch me and said Anne wasn’t going. He then informed me she had already accepted the invitation.

I immediately texted Anne to ask where she was. She replied, "Sorry, on the way to Joe’s place. I’ll see you tomorrow, love you!" I asked if she knew I wasn’t invited, and she left me on read. Every text after that was ignored.

I drove home furious and stayed up all night. Anne finally came home at 5:42 a.m. I know because I was watching by the window. Joe was the one driving, and nobody else was in the car. I saw her wave to him cutely and laugh at something he said.

When Anne came inside, she seemed surprised to see me still up. I told her flatly that we were done, and she had the rest of the day to move out. She looked confused, and I told her she could just move in with Joe.

She rolled her eyes and insisted nothing had happened, blaming my insecurities and imagination. I told her it didn’t matter. After going back and forth, Anne eventually sarcastically thanked me for "wasting the best years of [her] life."

Anne finally moved out yesterday, and it was pretty dramatic. She said she loved me and that I was throwing everything away over a party.

Did I do her wrong? I feel like I’m getting gaslighted.

They don't even sound like they're happy together; spare us the theatrics. I'm sure there's stuff to talk about, but he sounds like he's already on the edge, and she's not too far from it either. Why waste your youth chasing a college campus romance? Read the rest of the thread here..

I Can't Believe My Husband Would Do This On A Work Trip

^{Image credit: Level 23 Media]}

My husband (45M) went to a fully nude strip club two days in a row during a two-day work trip.I found out through his business partner's wife, who sent me screenshots of the thousands of dollars spent.

He lied to me about it, and I later discovered he went into a VIP room and had at least one lap dance — possibly more.

This isn’t the first time; three years ago, he went to a strip club in Vegas while I was asleep in the hotel with our two kids. He lied back then and nearly ruined our marriage. He promised never to do it again, but here we are.

I’m a 42F and feel disgusted by this behavior from a middle-aged man with a wife, an 18-year-old daughter, and a 15-year-old son. We have a happy marriage and a great sex life, so I don’t believe this is on me. I made him leave, and I honestly feel like what happened in the VIP room counts as cheating. If I did something like this to him, he would definitely consider it cheating.

I’m struggling to understand why this is so enticing to men and if being at a strip club somehow excuses this behavior. I’m not sure what to do next.

This doesn't sound like they were happily married all-along anyway. He didn't get drafted to all those strip clubs, he chose to go — a better man would make better choices. Read the rest of the thread here..

I Keep Changing My Body For Someone Who Doesn't Care

^{Image credit: Sora Shimazaki]}

I'm at the end of my rope. I lost 60 pounds recently due to a new medication, and I am now bordering on underweight. Because I used to be bigger, my breasts sag a little. It's totally natural, and honestly, it doesn't bother me much. However, it bothers my boyfriend, who I've been dating for about six months, quite a bit. Once, he brought it up when we were intimate, and then he said he couldn't finish because of it and snuck off to finish by himself.

A couple of times, he brought it up in passing (so I know it bothers him), and I jokingly responded that I would just get a boob job. Later, he told me that saying that made him look at me differently because he didn't know I'd be willing to do such superficial and unnatural things to my body. I want him to want me. I want him to think I'm sexy. I just don't know what to do.

This woman needs to run, run far away from this maniac. There's no way he's worth it, she's way better off alone, where she can focus on herself. It'll hurt at first, probably, but I think he's someone that can grow more dangerous by the day. Read the rest of the thread here.

Read last week's edition here.

Image credit:(Photo by Level 23 Media